Saturday, April 25, 2020

Texas Mayor's Nails Marked 'Manicured'
Do You Believe in Clorox?
One way to test for memory loss in your circle of
friends is to ask, "Remember Seamus?".  If all you
get is blank stares, you know you've reached the
level of your own forgetfulness.
Even if Trump is killing us 
accidentally, we're still dead.
According to Greek myth, coins were placed on the eyes
 of the dead as payment to Charon for ferrying the dead
 into the Underworld.
Has North Korea's Maximum Leader been minimized?
Think outside the box? "I'd rather not," said the cat.
Trump/Loxapac 2020
Religion qua religion is neither good nor bad,
but if Jerry Falwell, Jr. has anything to do
with it, it's Bad Religion.
Yoooge, Yoooger, Yooogest
Being an Allosaurus periodontist
is taxing work, but it's a living.
Someone needs to take Trump's temperature, for it
is evident he suffers from a fevered imagination.
Larry Kudlow says he gets his hair cut every two
weeks, come hell, high water, or COVID-19.
Hyperventilationism is the belief that tomorrow's 
apocalyptic cataclysm will make today's look 
like Arcadia and yesterday's like the 
Garden of Eden.

Friday, April 24, 2020

You may have wondered what someone looks like 
who has overdosed on hydroxychloroquine.
What's Your Poison?
Adios Airlines to Merge with Flying Fuck
Pumpkin Spice Spam Space Suits!
Available for a Limited Time Only!
The Disinfector Joins Trump 2020
Campaign Team
Newton Leroy, Master of Gingrich Hall and the
oldest surviving member of Georgia's antebellum 
plantation aristocracy, says if he could generate 
enough energy to stand up, he would immunize himself
against the coronavirus with a glass of bourbon and
 branch water.
First, his apologists said Trump was quoted out of context.
Then they said he was just being sarcastic.  Finally, they
claimed Trump was trying to nail Jello to the wall
and succeeded.
The Pilates Contra-Coronavirus Bleach Colonic
hasn't been endorsed by Trump quite yet.
And then Trump slit his nostrils open, sawed
his leg off, pulled his liver out, and nailed his
head to the floor.  "He sometimes took sarcasm
a bit too far," said Doug Piranha.
And like his Centrum MultiGummies, Tucker Carlson
 had to take only one Clorox Chewable a day.
And it will help keep whites white!
COVID-19 Does Standup
Kayleigh McEnany and Her Stunt Double
Saint Arnold, the Beer Saint, Sez: "Everybody remain
 calm. This is not happening."
God Damn the Pusher Man
Trump's allies deny (1) that Trump was quoting
himself out of context and (2) that Trump was
trying to thin the Trumpnik herd.

Thursday, April 23, 2020

Son of Mengele
Adventures in Aestheticism #245
Trump to Kick His Ratings Up a Notch with
Impressions of Johnny Carson Doing His 
Carnac the Magnificent, Floyd R. Turbo, 
and Aunt Blabby Impressions
Nobody's Fool
Got Religion?
Trump Casting Out COVID-19 Demon
Call Him 'Old Stab-in-the-Back'
Pressure is mounting on the International Olympic 
Committee to add Reverse Dressage as a demonstration
 sport to the 2021 Olympic Summer Games in Tokyo.
Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman looks like she has 
played one game of Blackjack too many.
Imagine getting your hair cut by a barber who 
is standing six feet away.  Imagine getting your
nails done by a manicurist who is sitting six feet
 away.  Imagine getting a massage by a masseuse
who is situated six feet away.  Deborah Birx is
a very silly person, isn't she?
Georgia's Circular Firing Squad  Steals Spotlight
from 21,102 Coronavirus Cases
"What's he all dressed up for?"
"He's getting ready to protest an
Open the Country protest."
This raven can't say 'Nevermore', but it can say
'Requiescat In Pace'.
It's a Living
Pence the Toady Says Coronavirus Will Be 'Largely in
the Past' by Summer
In the 1950s, Meghan McCain would have been a 'Square'
or a 'Cube'.  In 2020, she's a 'Blockhead'.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Do Labradoodles breed like COVID-19?
If you're lucky, when you're as old as Mitch
McConnell, your face won't look like a bowl
of lumpy mashed potatoes.  If you're lucky.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #807
Carolyn Goodman
Shelter in Place, Day 50