Saturday, August 18, 2012

Pussy Riot has been sentenced to two years in prison for 
'hooliganism'.  It would seem that Vladimir Putin's 
criminal justice system is not all that different from 
Joseph Stalin's.
Paul Ryan Selects His Mom to Be His Official Chaperone
for the Fall Presidential Campaign
"We understand, Mr. Fund, that your
actual birth surname was 'Fundament',
and that you shortened it to a four-letter
word to make it easier to spell." 
Should it be legal for people, like Kyle Joekel, to purchase
semiautomatic battle rifles?  This is what the two dead
sheriff's deputies in LaPlace, Louisiana would like to know.
Rock Band Considering Changing Name to 
'Rage Against the Romney Mechanism'

Friday, August 17, 2012

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #409
Larry Bailey
"Hey!  Mr. Tangerine Dreamboat, play a song for me
in the jingle-jangle morning."
Scott Taylor:  Swiftboater and Trained SEAL
In his new role as a Guardian columnist, Josh Trevi├▒o
will be writing 1,000-word essays whose purpose will be 
to explain his 140-character Tweets which everyone, 
except the author, misunderstands.
"Just remember, Paul:  on this starship, I'm Captain Kirk, 
you're Lieutenant-Commander Sulu, and Obama is 
Yarnek the Excalbian."
Michele and the Bachmanniacs are hell on 
golf carts.  Just ask Turf Cars in 
Council Bluffs, Iowa.
Romney/Ryan Platform Revealed
Warm Scuzzies #317
Paul Campbell Fields
Paul Ryan was against the stimulus before he was for the
stimulus before he was against the stimulus again.  Yes, 
Mr. Etch a Sketch certainly made the right choice for 
his running mate.
Dave Mustaine is a great example of why some people
shouldn't smoke dope:  it can make you paranoid as hell.
Thanks to people like John Derbyshire, Kalashnikoff, the
Russian gun manufacturer, now sells as many AK-47s in
the U.S. as it does to all of Russia's police and military.
"I see you have a pair of those new
Romney-Ryan Flip-Flops."

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Pinocchio Joins Romney/Ryan Campaign as
'Minister of Truth'
Lying is the essence of evil, and Mitt Romney is the 
quintessential liar.
There was only one person Mitt Romney loved more 
than his wife, and that was Grandpa Walnuts.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #408
Allen Quist
World's Worst Yoobs #121
Anne Sorock

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

"Yes, my child, corporations are people, too.
And they're always hungry.  Come closer."
Wayne had heard La Pierre translated from
French into English as 'The Dick' for too
long, and so he was finally going to do 
something about it.
"Hold on a goddam minute before I fade to black!  Do you 
know who I am?  I am Victor Davis Hanson, a person whose
job it is to keep you from forgetting people in the past, 
like me, for instance."
Vitruvian Man

Vitruvian Woman
"Anne, you won't believe how many
milligrams of caffeine I just scored!
And, get this: they didn't even ask 
for ID!"
Mitt Romney Demonstrating the Impossibility of 
Walking on Air
Mitt Romney Sez:  "This is what an angry and desperate 
President looks like."
Benjamin Netanyahu's face is anachronistic.  It belongs on
 a Jewish-American Mafia don of the 1950s.
In case you haven't heard, 'Fiscal Conservative' is 
Republicanese for 'Zombie-Eyed Grannie-Starver'.
The Unexpurgated Bible #80
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for 
what fellowship hath Roman Catholics with Latter-Day Saints?
And what communion hath Pope Benedict with Joseph Smith?"
When Captain Louis Renault retired as 
Casablanca's prefect of police,

he launched a second career as the Republican 
Governor of Iowa. 
Rand Paul

Ayn Ryan
Saving Ryan's Privates
Warm Scuzzies #316
Fred Grant
The Curiosity Rover has discovered that the only fiscal
conservatives known to exist in the entire universe live
on Mars.
Donald Trump to Unleash 'Big Surprise' on 
Republican National Convention
General Sherman was wrong.  War isn't hell.  It's just 
good old-fashioned family entertainment.
Like Dinsdale Piranha, Paul Ryan was a cruel man.  
But, unlike Dinsdale, he wasn't fair.
Studies show it would be easier for Michael Yates--Jones-
boro, Arkansas, Chief of Police--to resign than it was for
Chavis Carter to shoot himself in the head with his hands
double-locked behind his back.
Ryan No Help to Romney with Stan Laurel Fans
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #14
William Galston
Least Productive Congress on Record Awarded
Lowest Approval Rating on Record

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Ladies, if you can shoplift a 42" TV between your thighs, 
people are going to start saying you're just too damn big.
Contrary to popular belief, Paul Ryan, the author of five 
unpopular sweeping reforms, did not invent the Swiffer.
Mississippi to Change State 
Nickname from 'The Magnolia 
State' to 'The Fatty Arbuckle State'