Saturday, February 25, 2006

Of Kenneth Lay, it hath been written:
"He put his money where his mouth was.
And that was his last mistake."
Photo of Jonah Goldberg Taken
Just Minutes Before His Belt Finally Gave Way
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
But not this time.
Standing Next to Coultergeist,
Student in Black Hoodie Gives Speaker
the Sign of the Double-Humpback Whale
Now Showing at Indiana University,
That 60s Classic, The Loved One:
"Something to Offend Everybody"
Governor Rounds to Add
South Dakota's Wombs
to His Real Estate Empire
Richard Perle Just After a
Bit of Iraq Blew into His Left Eye
Live and Direct, Rita Cosby Does Her
Famous Kissing Gourami Impression
Senator Greenfield couldn't understand
why eHarmony's Compatibility Matching System
hadn't worked for him.
"Need a hunting license or abortion ban?
Well, come on over to Greenfield's Short Stop
and we'll fix you right up."
Ike had warned Mitch about the dangers of
the Military-Industrial Complex.
But he just wouldn't listen.
"Just remember three things, folks.
I'm Michael Reagan.
Bill Buckley should be hanged for treason.
And the Father is omnipresent."

Friday, February 24, 2006

"Calm down, Dave.
I just washed my hands in Pilate's washbowl,
and they are now completely clean.
David Horowitz flapped his left wing first,
his right wing second.
Then he flew up his own fundament.
"The Dubai ports deal has the support of
17% of the American people.
That's the biggest mandate since I
whipped Gore's ass in the 2000 election."
Deputy Defense Secretary Gordon
 England Defends Dubai Deal,
Strokes Chin
If civil war were a face,
this is Iraq today.
"Frist and Hastert ought to listen to
what I have to say about this.
'It takes two hands to handle a Whopper'. Period.
And I'll veto any law that says otherwise."
"Sure, neoconservatism should be discarded
on to history's pile of discredited ideologies.
But some of my best friends
are neoconservatives, like Scooter Libby.
So click on the PayPal link and
send him some money NOW."
How the President Is Handling
Political Fallout from the Dubai Ports Deal
"My latest research has revealed that I'm 90 years old.
That makes me, Bernard Lewis,
Scooter Libby's oldest supporter."
"Horse manure!
Can you imagine me in bermuda shorts?
And my name is not Koop, goddammit!"
"And immediately there fell from his eyes
as it had been scales: and he
received sight forthwith."

Two-Legged Freak

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Cardinal Gonzales Chosen
to Lead NeoSpanish Inquisition

Lobbyist for the United Arab Emirates in Pain
After Surprise Attack by
Former President of the American Red Cross
Viagra Man Hired As Lobbyist for Libidus Woman
Infeasible President Summers Advances
Harvard's 'Agenda of Renewal'
By Resigning
George Will Smiling

George Will Not Smiling
"And so people don't need to worry about security.
This deal wouldn't go forward if we were concerned
about the security for the United States of America."

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

"My enemies call me Skeletor,
my friends call me Chertoff,
my President calls me Mikey,
and I'd say I'm doing a heckuva job."
"Hello, my name used to be Michelle Maglalang.
Even though I'm of pure Filipino descent,
I've made my mark in the world by stirring up hatred
against off-white people like me and my Mom and Dad.
The world is filled with incredible paradoxes, isn't it?"
If looks could kill,
you would be taking a dirt nap right now.
"Dick said if I didn't apologize, he was going 
to take me hunting for more quail."


Without moving his lips, the ventriloquist thought:
"What a dummy!"
At the same time, the dummy said:
"This gringo is such a remolino del pellejo."

"Furthermore, Senator,
when fully erect, the philoprogenitator of B. Rex
is only about this long."
"Honeybunch, I hear you have been bushing with Brother Dubai."
"Yeah, but you'll always be my main squeeze, sweetypie."
Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?
Reason #5: His Face Is This.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?
Reason #4: His Boss Is George.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?
Reason #3: His Friend Is Alan.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?
Reason #2: His Daughter Is Mary.
Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?
Reason #1: His Wife Is Lynne.

How Lady McCheney Gets Her Stuff

"People sometimes confuse me with Senator Leahy.
I can understand why this happens,
since only 1200 miles separate Kansas from Vermont."

"I stand unequivocally by my previous statement.
As I said, 'I'm nobody with brains'.
Just ask my good friend, Senator Leahy."