Of Kenneth Lay, it hath been written:

"He put his money where his mouth was.

And that was his last mistake."

Photo of Jonah Goldberg Taken

Just Minutes Before His Belt Finally Gave Way

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

But not this time.

Standing Next to Coultergeist,

Student in Black Hoodie Gives Speaker

the Sign of the Double-Humpback Whale

Now Showing at Indiana University,

That 60s Classic, The Loved One:

"Something to Offend Everybody"

Governor Rounds to Add

South Dakota's Wombs

to His Real Estate Empire

Richard Perle Just After a

Bit of Iraq Blew into His Left Eye

Master-Blaster

Live and Direct, Rita Cosby Does Her

Famous Kissing Gourami Impression

Senator Greenfield couldn't understand

why eHarmony's Compatibility Matching System

hadn't worked for him.

"Need a hunting license or abortion ban?

Well, come on over to Greenfield's Short Stop

and we'll fix you right up."

Ike had warned Mitch about the dangers of

the Military-Industrial Complex.

But he just wouldn't listen.

"Just remember three things, folks.

I'm Michael Reagan.

Bill Buckley should be hanged for treason.

And the Father is omnipresent."

"Calm down, Dave.

I just washed my hands in Pilate's washbowl,

and they are now completely clean.

See."

David Horowitz flapped his left wing first,

his right wing second.

Then he flew up his own fundament.

"The Dubai ports deal has the support of

17% of the American people.

That's the biggest mandate since I

whipped Gore's ass in the 2000 election."

Deputy Defense Secretary Gordon
 England Defends Dubai Deal,

Strokes Chin

If civil war were a face,

this is Iraq today.

"Frist and Hastert ought to listen to

what I have to say about this.

'It takes two hands to handle a Whopper'. Period.

And I'll veto any law that says otherwise."

"Sure, neoconservatism should be discarded

on to history's pile of discredited ideologies.

But some of my best friends

are neoconservatives, like Scooter Libby.

So click on the PayPal link and

send him some money NOW."

How the President Is Handling

Political Fallout from the Dubai Ports Deal

"My latest research has revealed that I'm 90 years old.

That makes me, Bernard Lewis,

Scooter Libby's oldest supporter."

"Horse manure!

Can you imagine me in bermuda shorts?

And my name is not Koop, goddammit!"

"And immediately there fell from his eyes

as it had been scales: and he

received sight forthwith."

Two-Legged Freak

Cardinal Gonzales Chosen

to Lead NeoSpanish Inquisition

Lobbyist for the United Arab Emirates in Pain

After Surprise Attack by

Former President of the American Red Cross

Viagra Man Hired As Lobbyist for Libidus Woman

Infeasible President Summers Advances

Harvard's 'Agenda of Renewal'

By Resigning

George Will Smiling

George Will Not Smiling

"And so people don't need to worry about security.

This deal wouldn't go forward if we were concerned
about the security for the United States of America."

"My enemies call me Skeletor,

my friends call me Chertoff,

my President calls me Mikey,

and I'd say I'm doing a heckuva job."

"Hello, my name used to be Michelle Maglalang.

Even though I'm of pure Filipino descent,

I've made my mark in the world by stirring up hatred

against off-white people like me and my Mom and Dad.
The world is filled with incredible paradoxes, isn't it?"

If looks could kill,

you would be taking a dirt nap right now.

"Dick said if I didn't apologize, he was going 
to take me hunting for more quail."

A TALE OF TWO SUE MYRICKS

Then

Now

Without moving his lips, the ventriloquist thought:

"What a dummy!"

At the same time, the dummy said:

"This gringo is such a remolino del pellejo."

"Furthermore, Senator,

when fully erect, the philoprogenitator of B. Rex

is only about this long."

"Honeybunch, I hear you have been bushing with Brother Dubai."

"Yeah, but you'll always be my main squeeze, sweetypie."

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #5: His Face Is This.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #4: His Boss Is George.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #3: His Friend Is Alan.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #2: His Daughter Is Mary.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #1: His Wife Is Lynne.

How Lady McCheney Gets Her Stuff

"People sometimes confuse me with Senator Leahy.

I can understand why this happens,

since only 1200 miles separate Kansas from Vermont."

"I stand unequivocally by my previous statement.

As I said, 'I'm nobody with brains'.

Just ask my good friend, Senator Leahy."