Saturday, January 31, 2015

Sarah Palin in a Nutshell
"Honey, you won't believe what I found at the bottom of
my Low-Life Scum Smoothie!"
Geologists say the petrified ice cube discovery may indicate that 
at some point in the distant past, Hell did indeed freeze over.
"Hello, Comcast, I read in the paper you have refunded
Asshole Brown, my next-door neighbor, two years' worth 
of bills. I'm The Incredible Shrinking Asshole and I was 
wondering if you would do the same for me."
Eric Cantor Practicing the Facial Expressions
He Will Be Using This Spring as a Harvard
Congress was never quite the same after scotch and 
cigars were banned in the Lactation Chamber.
"Need to suffer more, Kansas?
Call me!"
Cthulhu, Lord of Ry'leh, Succeeds in Hostile Takeover 
of Bobby Jindal's Face
Feeling depressed? 
Consider this scenario: McCain wins in 2008, 
wins again in 2012, and has just kicked the
 bucketVice President Palin is being sworn in. 
Feeling better?
Mitt Romney's Steampunk Etch a Sketch Now Up for Bid
on eBay
A common misconception is that beans are the only
musical fruit.
"Coming up next:  the Toilet Bowl!"
'Miley Cyrus Completely Topless in Maui!'
The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall
If Huckleberry Finn Were Written Today
When the poor die, that gets them, in the words of Mitt
 Romney, 'out of poverty forever'.  That's the conservative,
 severely moderate solution.
What a misnomer!  Should be:  The George Bush
Center for Threats to Intelligence.
UberSwan is an app-based transportation network 
and taxi company.
He once owned one of those Timothy Leary
 Invisible View-Masters, but he mislaid it one 
day in the 1970s and never could find it again.

Friday, January 30, 2015

For some reason, Spider-Woman never caught on.
Some people are SO wrapped up in themselves.
"Bling?  For me?"
"Christine, I understand you used to be a Breck Girl."
"Yeah, I always used Breck Red Label, ya know, for
dry hair."
"Were you ever into Clairol?"
"Possibly, but only my hairdresser knows for sure."
"Weep not, little one, there'll always
be 2020."
"I regret to announce that my associate, Mitt Romney,
has self-deported from the 2016 presidential race."
Don't argue with people like Tommy Dean
Gaa.  Just outlive the bastards!
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #610
Christine Weick
The Potrzebie Prize #26
Mitch McConnell Congratulated for Conducting
One of the '10 Most Successful Rebranding
Campaigns Ever'
The Mitt Match Game is the new TV show where the 
contestants try to match what Mitt Romney said yesterday 
with what he says today and what he will say tomorrow.
Louie Gohmert had warned us about 'terror boobies',
but we just wouldn't listen.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Clown Hall #4
Pennywise Poundfoolish
Henry Kissinger was surprised, but pleased, to see that 
Code Pink had read his new book, S&M Policy and the 
New World Order.
"Good news, children!  The Texas legislature is considering 
a bill which will allow teachers to kill students in order to
 reduce class size."
 “Get out of here you low-life scum!  I apologize profusely 
for picking you to be my vice-presidential running mate."
Man with IQ of 67 About to Be Executed by
Texans with IQs of 68
Sheriff's Deputies Teaching Gavin Seim How to
Fold Laundry
"Better call OnStar."
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #57
Molly White
Coffin Designed for Those Who Are
Killed with Their Own Guns
Dr. Oz's Newest Fat Burner
Next Up on HBO Boxing:  Mike Huckabee vs. The
Trashy Housewives of New York City
Oh, looky, Gwyneth Paltrow has one of those new T-fal 
Ultraglide Easycord Vaginal Steamers!
In Saudi Arabia, Hillary Clinton wore the pants and 
the men wore the dresses.
She ran away from Chuck Johnson because she was
highly-educated, and that's what made her hot.
 According to Fearguth's Zippy the Pinhead calendar, 
January is Zen Bowling Month. Fearguth likes Zen 
Bowling because no ball, pins, or lane are required. 
In fact, nothing is required except meditating 
on the idea that nothing is required, thereby
 becoming aware of the Stream of Zippyness.
"Ya know, Mika, Scott Fitzgerald was wrong.  The rich,
like the Koch Brothers, aren't different from you and
me.  They're like most Americans who are worth over
$100 billion."
Cliven Bundy's Son Jailed After Verbally and
Facially Resisting Arrest
"You’re not Eric Holder, are you?" 
asked John Cornyn.
"You're not Big Bad John, are you?"
replied Loretta Lynch.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

American Family Association Uses Speedy Alka-Seltzer 
Cannon to Fire Bryan Fischer
The Original Palin® SaladShooter®