Saturday, March 31, 2012

When Ann Coulter explained that she couldn't run for 
President because she had had two affairs, nobody 
believed her.
Whiteworld #9
Back then, children, Old Whites liked to make fun
 of Dead Blacks.
Two-Minute Haters #26
Wanda Derby
Doesn't Play Well with Others
Warm Scuzzies #278
Scott Rasmussen
Things had gotten so tough in Blue Goose Bucksnort, 
Tennessee, that the Ole Perfesser was forced to 
eat his next of kin.
The Potrzebie Prize #18
Professor Glenn Reynolds Bemedalled
for Calling President Barack Obama
a 'Racist Hatemonger'
Matt Doheny (R-NY) Celebrates His Upcoming June
Wedding by Getting Better Acquainted with Two 
Campaign Aides
Pre-April Fools' Day Joke
The security detail assigned to Governor Rick Perry
during his failed run for President has cost Texas
taxpayers more than $3.6 million.

Friday, March 30, 2012

"Yes, Governor Romney, this is called a 
'spine', something you're probably not
familiar with."
Joe Bob Briggs Sez:  "You ever get out your 
high school yearbook and find pictures of 
zombies in there?"
Good Golly, Miss Molly
"Even though he doesn't wear lilac socks like I do, I still 
endorse Mitt Romney for the Republican presidential
New Photographic Technique Reveals That Mitt Romney Is
 85% BPI® Boneless Lean Beef (aka Pink Slime)
As George Carlin once pondered, “Would world history 
have been different had there been only Two Stooges?”
ExxonMobil to Cut Out Middle Man in 2016 and 
Run Directly for President Like Any Other Person
Newticle, Newticle, He's So Cuticle!
While touring Beef Products, Inc., in South Sioux City, 
Nebraska, Governor Rick Perry took time out to explain
 how eating pink slime has made him the man he is today.
South Sioux City, Nebraska, Residents Demand Hy-Vee 
Grocery Chain Sell Pink Slime; "We'd Drink Raw 
Sewage Through a Straw So Long As It Created Jobs,"
They Say

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Robert Zimmerman, George Zimmerman's father, just goes
to show that rotten fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.
Anheuser-Busch Attempting to Intimidate
 Wholesalers into Dropping Distribution of
 Craft Beers by Threatening to Make
 Them Drink Bud Light
Six-Pack Abs
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #4
Sister Toldjah
Not even a gag order could stop Alicia Silverstone's 
practice of mouth-to-mouth regurgitation.
Rick Santorum Sez:  “Friends don’t let friends use pink balls.” 

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Adventures in Lexicology #7
Tragic Johnson, n.  A small dick that loses 
contact with reality and becomes a big prick.
If and when he is asked to address 
joint session of the House and Senate,
 will Pope Benedict be permitted to wear 
his hat?
Bobby Rush (D-IL) has been removed from the floor of the 
House of Representatives for wearing a hoodie. House 
rules prohibit the wearing of hoods while the House is in 
session.  "Members need to remove their hoods and 
check them at the door, just as I always do," explained 
Acting Speaker Gregg Harper (R-MS).
NRA Now Selling Concealed Handgun Hoodies, 
But Only to Members with a High Skin Albedo
 as Certified by a Pigmentometer
As a young man, Eric Cantor imagined himself as Count 
Henri de Beauvray, a confirmed bachelor, who, in Victor 
Herbert's operetta, Mlle. Modiste, sings "I Want What I 
Want When I Want It" (lyrics by Henry Blossom), a song 
about the evils of marriage.  Today, Eric has been married
for 23 years, is the father of three children, and is just
another Romneyite flip-flopper. 

Swaziland May Make Insulting King Mswati III on Twitter 
or Facebook a Crime; Definition of 'Insulting' to Include
 Posting His Picture, Which Always Makes People Laugh
Santorum Is Beginning to Crack, Say Experts
Supreme Court to Not Rule on Obamacare 
Until the Media Reaches a Verdict First
Warm Scuzzies #277
Corrections Corporation of America
Timothy Dolan Sez:  "Kermit was right:  it's not easy
being green."
Governor Rick Perry of Texas to Tour Beef Products, 
Inc.,  Will Join Governor Terry Branstad of Iowa in
 First Annual 'Pink Slime Eating Contest', Under the
 Aegis of the International Federation of 
Competitve Eating

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Before Senator Rand Paul went under the oil slick for the
third time, he was heard singing, "Glory, Glory to
Big Oil Almighty!"
We simply must find a way to make 
sanity more affordable.
Uh-oh, there's a French version of Sarah Palin.
"There’s trouble enough for minority boys and young men 
not to provoke mad responses from paranoid jerk offs, 
like me."
Whilst wearing a hoodie, Geraldo apologized for telling the 
truth about the dangers of minority kids wearing hoodies, 
instead of three-piece suits from Men's Wearhouse,
like the ones Thomas Sowell wears.
"My, the Earth is sure looking brown these days."
"Must be smog."
"Nah, it's bullshit."
Mitt Romney's New Vacation Home to Be Equipped with Car 
Elevators, Outdoor Showers, and Its Very Own Lobbyist 
Rush Limbaugh's BFF Writes Book on 
How to Improve Your Personal Hygiene

What a day for a daydream about Andrew Breitbart's 
'Testicular Titanium'.
When the facts finally emerged, it was determined that 
Trayvon Martin, while on school suspension and high 
on marijuana, had held up George Zimmerman at gun-
point, stealing his hoodie, his ice tea, and his bag of 
Skittles.  But, in making his getaway, Trayvon tripped 
over his saggy pants and accidentally shot himself 
in self-defense.
If you drop a contact lens on a light-colored surface, 
it's  hard to find.
When fuel prices go up in Indonesia, students burn old tires.
Burning new tires is more effective, but they are too poor 
to do that.
He had been warned by his doctor to cut back on his
consumption of raw politics.
"Hi, I'm Newt Gingrich, and did you know that for only $50, 
you can have your photo taken with me?  Be sure to tell all
 your animal friends."