Saturday, December 14, 2013

He was going to find that Ant Lion if it took all day.
The coolest thing about the new Ted Cruz
to the Future Comic Coloring Activity
Book is that it's already white and 
doesn't need to be colored.
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #90
Darkman 4:  My Life with the Krokodil Kardashians
Dead Yemenis Say:  "They hate us for our weddings."
"Argghhh!  I'm the product of Intelligent Design!"
"La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Porque no tiene, porque le falta
Marijuana que fumar."
David Vitter supporting legislation to protect 'traditional 
marriage' is like an arsonist supporting legislation to 
subsidize the fireproofing industry.
'Rove Brags That He Knows a Woman with 
Tattoos Who Won't Be Voting Democrat'
Warm Scuzzies #437
G. Dick Miller
Speaker Boehner Makes His Move in Game of 'Rock, 
Paper, Scissors' with Teabaggers

Friday, December 13, 2013

"No, faux pas."
Happy Jason Voorhees Memorial Day!
Breaking News Mashups #7
'Beyonce Shocks World by Stealing
 Remnants of Buddha's Body'

Thursday, December 12, 2013

No, Megyn, Santa doesn't have to be
white and he doesn't have to smoke
Lucky Strikes.
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #36
Mark Halperin
Whiteworld #16
Megyn Kelly's Jesus is even whiter than she is.
Gretchen Carlson Gets Goosed by
PBR Festivus Pole
When someone is so nuts that even Louie Gohmert won't
endorse him, you know it must be Steve Stockman.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

"Remember Duke Keomuka, Secretary Sebelius?  
Remember the 'Stomach Claw'?"
"OK, it's a deal, Peggy:  I'll loan you Bedtime for Bonzo 
and you'll loan me High Noonan."
Q:  "Can you glue your lips together with Krazy Glue?"
A: "Probably.  But don't try it."
Little Known Fact #46
While it is not true he suffers from Otisophobia (fear of 
elevators), it is true Rand Paul suffers from Muzakophobia 
(fear of elevator music).

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

"I want my free tacos or somebody is going to die!"
"The Tea Party sets an impossible standard.  I'm already
'Big Bad John' and I can't get any bigger or badder!"
"Neville Chamberlain shook hands with Adolf Hitler, Barack
Obama shook hands with Raúl Castro, and I picked Sarah
Palin to be Vice President of the United States.  We are
only human after all."
The coldest spot on Earth has been found.  It's in 
Dick Cheney's chest, where the temperature is
-138° Fahrenheit year-round.
'Springtime for Hitila' (Tila Tequila Remix)
"George, what's it like to have a Type Z Personality?"
President Obama Shakes Hand of President Castro,
Gets Cooties
The Potrzebie Prize #20
Pat Mullins, Chairman of the Virginia Republican Party,
Acclaimed for Discerning "Obama's So Close to Death"
Terry McAuliffe Ought to Take Out a Life Insurance 
Policy on Him

Monday, December 09, 2013

Tommy Lee Jones had dismissed the concept of metem-
psychosis out of hand until the day someone pointed out
he was a dead ringer for former President Andrew John-
son.  That's when he began to lose sleep, worrying about
The Unexpurgated Bible #94
"O Lord, there are 5,000 hungry people here.  Why do you
not feed them?"  And Jesus said unto him, "Sorry, but a 
local ordinance forbids the distribution of free food that 
hasn't been assessed for its salt, fat, and fiber content."
Rush Limbaugh Demonstrates His Foolproof
Technique for Stopping Women's Breasts from
Staring at His Eyes
"We have to earn our wings every day."
Haben Sie einen schönen Tag!
Fox News Headline #5
'Man Is Eating More Meat'

Sunday, December 08, 2013

"Jim Baker says I regretted vetoing the Comprehensive
Anti-Apartheid Act of 1986.  Someone needs to warn him
that it's lies like that which landed me where I am today."
World's Worst Yobs #294
Joel Pollak
"What can I say?  Tucker Carlson is laughing at his own dick
 joke, and Clayton Morris is staring at my breasts.  I'm Anna
Kooiman and I must be on Fox & Friends Weekend."
Two-Minute Haters #36
Grant Chisholm