Saturday, August 20, 2011

Brash, Bold, and Unapologetic About Being an Idiot
Texas College Opens All-Vegan BBQ Cafeteria
New Girl Scout Cookie, 'Dulce de Lecher',
Named in Honor of Roger Ailes
Burger King Deposed in Bloodless Coup

Friday, August 19, 2011

Not even Imelda Marcos owns 22 pairs
of cowboy boots.
Soon to Be a Major Motion Picture
It's always a bad sign when the ratio of
 selling price to shipping cost is one to
four.   That's what Sarah Palin faces
right now, where you can buy a new
hardcopy of her latest book on
Amazon for $.99 + $3.99 shipping.
"See, I told you Harry Truman didn't win."
Kasich's Team Thinks It May Be Time to Compromise
"I'm different from George W. Bush.  His GPA at Yale was
2.35 and my GPA at Texas A&M was 2.22."
Warm Scuzzies #212
Peter Haller (aka Peter Simonyi)
Rick Perry’s Loose Lips Worry Hill Republicans;
"Would Botox Help?" Some Ask
"How old do I think the Earth is? You know what, kid, I don't
have any idea, because I dropped out of my 'Book of
Genesis' class at Paint Creek High School."
"Flunking organic chemistry was one of the
best things that ever happened to me, kid!
If I had made good grades in college, I
might today be a veterinarian,
pulling calves."
If you seek the fearless, don't bother
looking for them on Wall Street.
The gaps in the theory of evolution are inconsequential
compared to the gap between Rick Perry's ears.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

If you want him to listen to you, you have to
BYOB (Buy Your Own Obama).
“People recognize that there’s a fear that the United States
is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China,
the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union, the rise of
Freedonia, and they fear that President Obama will
whack $500 billion out of our military defense at a
time when we're fighting three wars."
Sometimes God sends subtle messages by, say, putting the
 visage of the Virgin Mary on a 10-year-old grilled cheese
 sandwich.  Sometimes He is more direct.
“It’s just a good thing I can’t pack a gun on the Senate floor,
 or I'd make the caning of Senator Charles Sumner (R-MA)
 by Senator Preston Brooks (D-SC) look like a pillow fight."
Allen West Undergoes Sex Reassignment Surgery,
Becomes 'Modern-Day Harriet Tubman'
"Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come
down below $2 a gallon again. That will happen when I'm
elected President in 2008."
It would have been better TV if, in a rare display of good sense,
CNN host Piers Morgan had terminated his interview with
Christine O'Donnell and walked off the set.
Did you know that for every $25 donation
to the Romney campaign you get a free
Asked why he was moving his presidential campaign to
Hawaii, Newt Gingrich said it's because "the Aloha State
 has better beaches and Mai Tais."
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #57
It Happened at the State Fair
Oxymorons for Our Time #106
White-Hot Electorate
Old South Baking Co. Introduces New Cookie Line Inspired
 by Rush Limbaugh, 'White Chocolate Wingnut Chubbies'
"Careful with that arm or one of my security palookas
may have to rip it from your shoulder!"

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Cain Wants Abel Impeached; Tiller of the Ground
Hinting at Even More Drastic Measures Which
May Be Taken Against Keeper of Sheep
"And now, ladies and gentlemen, riding in on a white horse to
save us, is Governor Rick Perry of Texas!  Oh, wait just a
minute, it's not Rick Perry on a white horse.  It's just
Jesus riding in on an ass whose name is Rick Perry.

Representative Jeff Flake (R-AZ), who has nice pecs, likes
 to get back to nature on a desert island located  in the vast
Goldwater Sea, somewhere in the State of Arizona.
"I understand, Silver, that you and The Lone Ranger got
 along just fine until the day he asked you, 'How do you
get down from a horse?'"
Local Mohawk Fan Now Definitely Leaning
Toward Governor Supercuts for 2012
From Predator Nutrition Comes the Secret to
Rick Perry's Supermasculine Meniality
"Look, there can be only ONE Big Swinging Rick
in this race.  So, beat it, Frothy!"
“I think you want a President who is passionate about himself
 — that’s in love with himself.  And that's me, America!"
With her rifle by her side, Kim Simac loses in
Wisconsin recall election, 54%-46%.
Governor Perry Says EPA Killing Jobs Needed to
Put Melamine Back into Pork Chops
"Remember what I said about Ben Bernanke and stay
out of Texas, Frothy!"
Meghan McCain Sez:  "Sarah Palin Is a Prick Tease!"
President Obama Creates New Jobs for Speechwriters
 to Write Speeches about the Need for New Jobs
Can you imagine how much money is being spent so that
President Obama can 'listen' to the folks in Iowa,
Minnesota, and Illinois?
Uncle Sam's Youngest Son, Citizen Know Nothing,
Endorses Rick Perry for President
Have you seen Rick Perry's license plate?
Dow Drops 50 Points, Snaps One-Day Streak
Paul Ryan Checking to See If He
Has Time to Run for President
How can Rick Perry, who has been running for and/or holding
public office for 27 years, now be making a 'rookie mistake'?
Booster Says He Gave Cash, Jewelry, Prostitutes,
Field Slaves to University of Miami Players
"I like your version of history, Ms. Bachmann. 
It's more improbable than Mister Peabody's."