Saturday, December 12, 2009

We didn't need another reminder of how sports
build 'character', but the Tiger Woods debacle
is giving us one anyway.
Sylvester's Nightmare, or
"Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!"
"Hey, Raúl, guess who's coming to dinner!"
Former Vice President Tormented by Imaginary
Rabbit That Keeps Saying, "Ehh, What's Up, Dick?"
Thanks to crotch gussets, the soldiers
had freedom to move.
DeMintia Praecox Comes to Texas,
Wades into Senate Race
Tiger's 'Indefinite Leave' Plunges World into
the Great Golf Depression of 2010
"Will you marry me?"
"Perhaps, but what would Robert Stacy McCain say?"
"It's just your jive talkin'.
You're telling me lies, yeah.
Jive talkin', you wear a disguise.
Jive talkin', so misunderstood, yeah.
Jive talkin', you’re really no good."
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #90
"Beg pardon, but is this the way to the Ninth Day
of Zappadan?"

Friday, December 11, 2009

Puss in Boots

Pig in Boots

Palin in Boots
"So I didn't get elected Mayor of New York City.
Big ducking feel! But I also didn't spend $90
, like Michael Bloomberg did, nor am
the Naked Cowboy, nearly as loony as Jon
Voight, the Midnight Cowboy."
Remember Kenneth Gladney? If not, it's probably because
people don't even get a full fifteen minutes of fame these
days. It's now down below ten minutes and, sad to say,
still dropping.
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #38
Ken Eliasberg and Lou Dobbs
Post Office Will Not Deliver Without
Proper Postage
As was apparent, Pascal Couchepin had committed
one faux pas too many.
Have you ever wondered what eventually
happened to Mr. Potato Head?
"Oh, yeah? Well, I hope YOU die from being
pricked by a venomous catfish!"
After twenty-nine years, the Wendy's burger chain
is leaving Japan. Meanwhile, after sixty-four years,
U. S. military is staying.
The only thing missing from the chest of our nation's
most elite warrior is a single drop of blood. Why is that?
If Iraqi soldiers wore cammies imprinted with the
pattern of bombed-out automobiles, they could
walk the streets of Baghdad invisible.
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #89
Jumping for joy is the rule, not the exception,
on the Eighth Day of Zappadan.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #114
Jon Voight
Avoid Contact with Skin
The Obama Doctrine: Defend Hypocrisy Sincerely
World's Worst Yobs #146
Patrick Ruffini
"That's enough of that prissy Peace Prize nonsense, men!
Let's get back to the manly art of war!"
Oxymorons for Our Time #16
Just War
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #88
Everybody 'Goes Ape' on the Seventh Day of Zappadan.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

"You took the words right out of my mouth,
Stanley Crouch! I want a bigger butt, too!"
If Rocky Raccoon Had Been from North Africa,
Instead of South Dakota
Great Britain's Gordon Brown is now recognized
as the most trenchant exponent of the 'Single
Face-Palm Gesture' in his generation.
"Gold still warm, Kemo Sabe!"
"You're right, Tonto, Glenn Beck must have
heard us coming. But he can't be too far down
the trail!"
The Politico is now reporting a poll which shows
that a majority of the American people believe
Congressmen have lower ethical standards than
used car salesmen. This may explain why The
Politico feels more comfortable devoting 100%
of its time and effort disseminating information
about Congress, instead of used cars.
"Who are you calling 'squirrely', buster?"
"Actually, soldier, we could care less whether Muslims,
Jews, or Christians win this religious war. We're just
a couple of unemployed process theologians."
"I'm a lovable little fuzz ball!" said Bachmann.
Taxi Driver Source of Discredited Claim Saddam
Hussein Could Unleash WMD within 45 Minutes
"If you had any idea how much effort it takes for me
to hold up my hands like this, you might cut me a
wee bit more slack!"
"And just what makes you think A-Rod's in a slump?"
Man Out of His Gourd

Man Still in His Gourd
Another reason plastic bags should be banned is
that they have proven to be a very unreliable
method of committing suicide.
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #87
Tracking persons subject to house arrest
requires that they wear an ankle bracelet.

Tracking everybody else requires
that they carry a cell phone.