Saturday, March 14, 2020

Hotter Than Saturday Night Fever!
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #203
Monty Python & the Quest for the
Holy Shit!
Two Jabbas
Times were tough in Bartertown.
Trump Campaign Rolls Out New Ad
But there was no there there, so the buck never stopped.
Trump Says He's Been Tested for Coronavirus
 But Not For Pendejovirus
Maybe not, but Trump does look oranger than usual.
Like the Spanish Inquisition, nobody
expected the Corncob Lobby.
The Ghost of Twitter Past
He was rudely reminded that there would be days when you
 simply couldn't Keep on Truckin'.

Friday, March 13, 2020

"Well, I just think it's a nasty question,"
Trump said petulantly.
"I'm not dead yet!" Biden exclaimed.
Don Quixote tilted at windmills,
Trump tilts at Obama.
When the lemmings jumped off the cliff, their fall was
 cushioned by 40-pack bundles of toilet paper.
He was on the verge of thinking a kind thought about
John McCain.  Then Sarah Palin hit the stage.
More Bad News for Trump: Twitter Bird Tests 
Positive for Coronavirus
Trump has that Hoobert Heever look, don't you think?

Thursday, March 12, 2020

The Mask of the Orange Avenger
If you were to lay $11.5 trillion dollar bills end-to-end,
they would stretch 1 billion 114 million 350 thousand
 miles (1,114,350,000 miles).  Like a merkin,
that's a fur piece.
The Roller Coaster to Hell
OK, so we should wash our hands every time we blow our
 noses, cough, or sneeze.  If you're a Millipede, that's easier
 said than done.
Contrary to popular belief, COVID-19 is not a 
video game sequel to DOOM.
Trump Gives His Immune System Two Thumbs Up
"Who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom 
for such a time as this?"
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #202
CAPS LOCK: The Musical
Smiling Is Infectious, Too
Trump's speech from the Oval Office 
has now been quarantined.
An Entertainer for the Plague Year

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Remember Bushisms?  That was yesterday.
Trumpspeak is today.
During the Great Toilet Paper Panic of 2020, 
no corncob was safe.
“The virus story is not going to last forever,” 
said Larry Kudlow.  And, with luck, nor will
 the Trump Administration.
Same Day, Same Publication:  
Well, Vox, which is it?
Little Known Alternative Fact #6
It's National Irony Day!
Trump Wearing His New Stock Market Hat

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Is the coronavirus upwardly mobile?
"Shut this puppy down!" the James Carville impersonator
Jones Claims Horse Was High on Locoweed;
"My BAC Was Under the Legal Limit," He Says
Trish Regan must be smoking crack again.
Even God took the coronavirus seriously.
Texas GOPers are the worst.  No brag, just fact.
Trump Claims Coronavirus Epidemic a HUGE Hoax
Perpetrated by the Hand Sanitizer Industry
Even Mr Potato Head knows that!
When the Penisaurus Erectus Ruled the Earth
In the old days, this was called 'Senility'.
Today it's called 'Making America Great Again'.

Monday, March 09, 2020

Although he had contact at CPAC with someone who has
been diagnosed with the coronavirus, Louie Gohmert is
adamant in his refusal to self-quarantine.  Luckily, not
that many people want to get close to him anyway.
He hadn't been diagnosed with the coronavirus
and he didn't quite understand the link between
the virus and toilet paper, but he wasn't taking
any chances.
Paul Gosar Self-Quarantines After Shaking Hands with
Coronavirus-Infected CPACer, Refuses to Share 
Isolation Chamber with Ted Cruz
Doctor Bornstein Sez:  "Wash your hands, don't look at 
your 401k, take two aspirin, and call me in the morning."
Caution:  MAGA Hat Area