Saturday, October 01, 2011

"Remember, children, banks are
our friends."
No matter where you go in the world, there's Doritos.  Now in
102 different flavors, including Blazin' Buffalo Rush, Wild
 White Newt, and Christie Heatwave.
"We not only want you to whup Scott Brown's candy ass,
Ms. Warren, but once you're elected, we want you to
knee Wall Street in the groin!"

Friday, September 30, 2011

Years later, the Great Guacamole War ended, a
detente having been established between the
forces of tomato and avocado.
"Come on in and have a seat!  I'm Richard Cohen, and hasn't
it been pleasant since I last opened my festering gob."
"I see, Jesus, you've returned to Earth after 2,000 years.
That's good.    But what's with the soccer ball?"
If you're headed to Libya for an autumnal celebration, just
remember that 'tailgating' doesn't mean the same
thing over there.
"When I run out of rockets, I've just got to get a haircut!"
"Hi, I'm Michele Bachmann.
Remember me?"
"Yes, I'm a Humblebragger and, like you, a
member of the Humblest Braggers in the
World Club."
"Yes, I'm wearing an asshat.
But that doesn't necessarily
mean I'm a Blue Dog
"The arm of the law is long. Yesterday, it reached from
Washington, D. C., to Yemen. That's about 8,000 miles.
 Believe me, as I found out yesterday, that's a long
fucking way!"
American Empire #53
If you were asked to explain, in 25 words or less, the goal,
 purpose, or meaning of the United States of America in
the 21st century, what would you say? 
"Call now, and I'll double your order.  All you have to pay is
shipping and handling.  This makes an excellent paperweight,
bathroom tissue, or doorstop!"
Tools Used by Homo Erectus

Tools Used by Homo Murdochus
Speaking of government waste, can you imagine how much
money was spent printing Senator Tom Coburn's magnum
opus, Back in Black: a Deficit Reduction Plan?  One can
only hope it's now being used in Oklahoma privies, one
page at a time, to help reduce another kind of waste. 
The Unexpurgated Bible #62
And the Lord said unto Cain, "Where is Abel
thy brother?" And he said, "How should I
know? I'm the world's first libertarian!"
New York Cop Decides to Capitalize
on Newfound Fame
"Take Herb Cain. Look at why he's doing so
well right now. I guess you could say, with all
due respect, he’s the flavor of the week."

"I'm not saying that Herman Cain is the flavor of
the week. I'm one of his biggest fans, and I would
never dismiss him or speak negatively about him."
If knowledge is power and power corrupts,
he decided to take no chances.
Doctor Accused of Prescribing Christianity;
Preacher Accused of Performing Appendectomy
GBTV to Launch New Children's Show, H. R. Huff 'N Puff;
Show to Focus on Topics Kids Love, Like Straw Polls and 
The Einstein Bot is so sophisticated it can make
scientific discoveries without us.

Take, for example, its recent discovery of the Sexpot Bot.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Dick Armey Explaining to Florida Tea Partiers What It
Takes to Place an Order at Denny's
Rose Marie Belforti, 57-Year-Old Spinster and Maker of
Curds and Whey, Refuses to Sign Same-Sex Marriage
Licenses, Citing Jesus' Saying in the Sermon on the
Mount, "Blessed Are the Cheesemakers"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #336
Dan Hampton
Magical Depressionism #26
Nikki Don't Lose That Number, It's 11.1%
New Big Chief Ignites Tablet War
"Like so many of my people, I had been brainwashed. 
But then I got whitewashed and became a Republican."
Having met with all the candidates and having deliberated
for months, Donald Trump finally announced his picks for
the GOP presidential and vice-presidential nominations.
Alabama now has the harshest immigration law in the
United States. It will have, however, little effect, because
what sane person would want to immigrate to Alabama?
Halloween is Pat Robertson's night.  It’s the night
for the 700 Club.  Pretty darn scary!
Sarah Palin in the Box

Sarah Palin Out of the Box

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

"Yes, your daughter is definitely suffering
from Chris Christie Fever."
"Oh my, doctor!  Is there a cure?"
Warm Scuzzies #222
Bay Minette, Alabama
"My name is Ross Perot, the 99th richest man in
America.  Look upon my funky face, ye peons,
and despair!"
At least once in their lives, all devout Muslims are expected
to make a pilgrimage to Mecca.

At least once in their lives, all devout Conservatives are
 expected to make a pilgrimage to Simi Valley.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

When pigs started to fly, it was time to roll out the big guns.
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #125
Mike Chamberlain and Erick Erickson
Bachmann Warns of Hezbollah ‘Missile Sites’ in Cuba,
Claims Nikita Sergeyevich Bin Khruschev Is Mastermind
Behind Newest Threat to American Soil 
Will the Bantam Menace and the Incredible Bulk finally
hook up and save the GOP?
Warm Scuzzies #221
Anthony Bologna
Nation Recoils in Horror at the Sight of Nancy Grace's
'Wardrobe Malfunction'

Monday, September 26, 2011

As he saw the Pope's jet fly overhead, Jesus exclaimed,
"My God, my God, what have I unleashed upon the world?"
Christie Consciousness:  Like Krishna Consciousness,
But With a Lot More Meat
A new Gallup poll has found a record-high 81% of the
American public "are dissatisfied with the way the
country is being governed." To which the Corporations 
who own the government replied,