Saturday, March 07, 2009

"Listen up, guys! We may just be little brown birds,
but we have the power to bring this stock market
bull back to life. So, let's perch a little harder like
they do on CNBC."
When Attorney-General Eric Holder is dead and gone,
do you think he'll be remembered primarily for his
immaculately-trimmed moustache or for something
even less significant?
OK, so your new energy-efficient, green-compliant,
solar-powered roadster still leaves you stuck in
rush-hour traffic. Sorry, but traffic jams weren't
invented in the 21st century and they're not
likely to disappear until the 22nd century (if
then). So, be patient. Remember: it's a virtue.
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #16
Head of Erick Erickson Lands Starring Role in
Re-Animator 4: the RedState Army of Activists
Visits the House of the Rising Sun
Ratio of the Importance of a Political Leader
to the Body Politic
Before he takes Hugo Chavez's advice and follows the
path to Socialism, President Obama needs to realize
it's uphill all the way and makes you sweat a lot.
I Remember Dubya #13
On many occasions, Dubya extended his hand with
a 'Master and Commander' look on his face and
absolutely nothing would happen.
What if you had to make your living wearing
the nightmares of fashion designers? You'd
probably look pissed all the time, too.
There is only one dog in this picture. Can you tell which one?
Fearguth's Rules of Order #25
If you're thinking of adopting a two-headed turtle, you
should keep in mind it won't eat any more than a
one-headed turtle but there will be quarrels over
which head gets to eat first.
After dipping a sadhu in milk and rolling it in flour,
either deep fry or pan fry. Do NOT microwave.
"Women in politics tend to look rather androgynous.
I mean, you know, Barbara Mikulski or Helen Thomas.
Me? I tend to look rather thanatogenous."
"The omnibus spending bill is a swollen, wasteful,
egregious example of out-of-control spending and
has nasty, big, pointy teeth!"
TigerHawk, the Six-Figure Blogger and YouTuber, has
been working extra-long hours lately and is in no mood
for lazybones, like you, to even gaze upon his hard-earned
Even little kitty cats were beginning to worry about
the state of the economy.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Dog Goes Batshit Crazy
Rush Challenges Obama to Debate;
Obama Challenges Rush to Bend
Down and Touch His Toes
Inside these walls, Glenn Beck is preparing himself for
the Second Battle of the Alamo. He has promised his
boss, Roger Ailes, that he is willing to sit on the inside,
broadcasting the play-by-play, until the last shot is
fired and the forces led by Santa Anna's great-great-
grandson finally cut his mic.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #19
Zach Wamp
Study Shows Optimists Live Longer
and Healthier Lives
Little Boy Expresses Opinion Re: Cheese Danish
Rush Limbaugh Smoking One of the
New Virtual Electronic Cigars

Thursday, March 05, 2009

"Prophet Muhammad, may Allah raise his rank,
has said that Friday is the best day of the week.
May I not be as repulsive on this day as I am on
the other six."
Flag Desecration #17
"I'm Alex Castellanos, America, and in case you're
wondering, that's my Republican thumb up your butt!"
I Remember Dubya #12
One of Dubya's most flagrant unconstitutional power grabs
was when he acted like he was the Conductor-in-Chief of
the United States.
Of all the Mad Money men on CNBC, Jim Cramer
was in the best position to be added to the Obama
Administration's 'Enema List'.
"Hmmm ... Rush Limbaugh makes a lot more money and
is much more famous when the Republicans are out of
power. Sooo ... Rush does his dead level best to make
sure the Republicans stay out of power. Gadzooks, what a
sly dog he is! Better than leading a gang of pickpockets any
day, I'd say, or my name isn't Fagin!"
It’s no surprise that many prominent Republicans are
forecasting a long political winter for their party.
So, better bundle up, GOPers!
World's Worst Yobs #81
Robert Emmett Tyrrell, Jr.
What is it about Karl Rove that reminds one of

a grub worm?
If you enjoy watching infomercials, you
don't have to wait until late-night, like
you do on some cable channels. Just
tune in CNBC, where you can watch
Wall Street infomercials 24/7.
Obama Grayer, Whiter after 44 Days
The Treasury Secretary had begun to wonder
if what Jimmy Cayne had said about the size
of his manhood might be true.
"Those torture memos I wrote were not for public
consumption. They lack a certain polish, I think,
but you must remember they had to be simple
enough for President Bush to understand."
Jimmy Cayne, Ex-CEO of Bear Stearns, Tells
All About the Size of Tim Geithner's Penis

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world where the main
disagreement between the two major political parties
was whether beer tastes better out of a can or out of a
bottle? And where a third party, at least every four
years, would claim it tastes even better on tap?
If you're a Democrat and one day find
Louisiana Republican Representative
Anh Cao in your closet, don't be surprised.
He admits he may well be a 'Closet Democrat'.
So, if you find him there, by all means, let
him come out.
After the de jure head of the Republican Party got roughed up
by the de facto head, he decided to change his name from
Michael Steele to Mickey Mousse.
In Roman Catholic theology, Limbaugh (Latin limbus, edge or
boundary, referring to the 'edge' of Hell) is an idea about the
afterlife condition of those who die in Original Sin.
Evan Bayh is one of those Democrats in the
Senate who is essentially invisible, unless,
that is, he gets an opportunity to cloud some
issue, like, say, President Obama's proposed
budget. Then you can see his irksome face,
limned by a buttermilk sky.
Revealed: the Headset That Mimics All Five Senses and
Makes Republican 'NO! Theatre' as Convincing as Real Life
Riot policemen will tell you that if you've never fired a
tear gas cannister, you really haven't lived.
"So what if my favorability rating in that NBC/WSJ
poll was 15%! That's only because 57% of the people
polled have never heard of me. Once they do, I'm
confident my favorability rating will be higher than
Rush Limbaugh's, which is over 20% right now."
The day came when even he couldn't bend it like Beckham.
Shortcircuit City
World's Worst Yobs #80
Ronald Radosh
Stanford Kurland, who made hundreds of millions of dollars
as the #2 man at now-defunct Countrywide, is now making a
killing with his new company, Pennymac, by buying up bad
residential loans for pennies on the dollar. As one observer
put it, “It is sort of like the arsonist who sets fire to the house
and then buys up the charred remains and resells it.” Greed,
someone has said, is always a growth industry.
With an approval rating of 26%, the
Republican Party is only slightly more
popular than athlete's foot, halitosis,
and Rush Limbaugh.