As Newt says to Ripley, "My mommy always said there were 

no monsters - no real ones - but there are."

'Trump's Likeness Found on Seized Heroin'

Trump Fumes

We Have Met the Enemy and 

He Is Trump

"Now this, my fellow Trumpniks, is my idea of a wall."

Bulk Bogan

Ivanka Helped Sink Trump Order on Gay Rights, 

But Still Having Trouble Making Her Legs Work

Billionaire Vincent Viola Withdraws as Trump’s Army 

Secretary Nominee So That He Can Spend More Time with 

His Money

"Why is it all you want to talk about is my eyes being 

closed and not my earrings?"

World's Worst Yobs #379

Jonathan Tobin

"So what if polls show 53% of Americans disapprove of 

the job I'm doing as President! Polls are meaningless!

People are meaningless! I'm all that matters!"

Even More Exciting Than the 

Falklands War

Victoria is Joel Osteen's spouse, and this is her secret.

After Trump Pissed on Lady Liberty's Torch

Good Thing Trump's Machete Isn't

Semiautomatic

'So-Called President' Lashes Out at 'So-Called Judge'

"Fairest one of all? Ha! I ain't no magic mirror and

you ain't no Snow White!"

Steve Bannon's New Book!

Hello Milo

"Is your tie really green-striped, Sean, or did you spit up

strained spinach on it at lunch?"

Hagadelic Baby, Yeah!

Stephen Miller Uses His Hands to Brace One of the

See-Through Sections of Trump's Wall

One of the penalties of old age is the Eternal Recurrence 

of the Same Old Warmongering Bullshit.

Some say Alternative Hell is worse than 

Hieronymus Bosch's.

"Melania, Melania, let down your hair!"

"Uh, prince, she already has a Chief of Staff."

It's not just that Trumpniks deny reality and live in an 

alternative universe.  It's that that universe is such a 

culturally-impoverished wasteland.

Steve Bannon's favorite channel on Sirius/XM is Lithium

 Grunge (music curated by Vladimir Putin 24/7).

It used to be that only Trump's pants were on fire.  

Now the entire Oval Office is on fire.

"Shall we make it easier for the mentally ill to buy guns 

and for mining companies to dump coal ash into the water

 supply?"

"Yes we shall."

Little Known Alternative Fact #2

Kellyanne Conway Turns Spotlight on Infamous

Bowling Green Massacre

Researchers say third-hand smoke from Trump-Putin 

shotgunning may harm infants.

Like Dubya, Trump has a head-rub fetish.

We Live in Pendulous Times

Kalanick forgot that his customer base lives in

cities, and the cities didn't vote for Trump.

We Lost It at the Movies

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #187

Rich Cromwell and Mollie Hemingway

Hey, Trumps, let the Prayer Circle be unbroken!

What Jesus Thought of the

National Prayer Breakfast

Like FDR, Trump has a Brain Trust,

except it has a see-through section.

Dress Like It's 1984!

[Head Sold Separately]

World's Worst Yoobs #179

Carrie Lukas

If Case You Need a Sensory Cue for What a Trumpnik

Looks Like

There Can Never Be Too Much Dough

Trump Taps Punxsutawney Phil to Be His Adviser on the 

Climate Change Hoax

Not just Trump is praying for The Apprentice.

“We litigated this [Trump's tax returns] all through the 

election," said Kellyanne.  No we didn't, because

'litigate' means 'to carry on a lawsuit' and all we 

wanted was to see them.

"The Left is absolutely terrified of obscene gestures and 

will do literally anything to silence my finger."

Spiceratops Sez: "I think the contributions of Frederick

 Douglass will become more and more."

"Of course I'm barking mad!  Why else would Der 

Trumpenführer pick me to be his National Security 

Adviser?"

Tele-Phony