Saturday, January 17, 2009

Which is more bizarre: for Barack Hussein Obama to
be sworn in as President of the United States using
his full name, or for Representative Steve King
(R-IA) to say it's 'bizarre' for him to do so?
At long last, he had discovered the Center of the Universe.
What he was supposed to do with it he had no idea.
The next time you're out on the freeway, remember that
22% of the people behind the wheel still believe George
Bush is a great President. Also keep in mind this may
be only one of the hallucinations they have while driving.
Told to "Go fly a kite!" the kite flew him instead.
World's Worst Yobs #69
Bill Cunningham

Friday, January 16, 2009

President Bush Happy Everyone Kept Their
Shoes On During His Farewell Address
Do you have a favorite social, political,
educational, economic, or religious
institution you would like to see destroyed?
If so, perhaps you should consider running
it like a business.
Canada Geese Bring Down Airbus A320; Suspected
Co-Conspirators Placed on Terrorist Watch List
Jean-Claude Trichet,
President of European Central Bank,

Flag Desecration #12
"Under my leadership, we have made sure that
there is no child's behind left."
"We, like the noble Romans of old, tortured the enemy
out of duty, not out of enthusiasm."
"And if you won't repent, you're sentenced to sleep
with Senator Chris Buttars, the grumpy old bastard
on my left."
The mysterious lights above the Latvian city had
been explained as ice crystals reflecting streetlamps,
until someone said, "Beam me up, Scotty!" and
vanished in a flash of light.
Justice Alito Snubs President-Elect Obama,
Says Senate Democrats Give Him Diaper Rash

Thursday, January 15, 2009

At Play in the Carnival of Souls

George Walker Bush
January 20, 2001

Eight Years Later
Another Adventure in Wingnut Iconography
World's Worst Yobs #68
Evan Thomas
"When George Will invited President-Elect Obama over for
dinner with some of the conservative cognoscenti, rumor has
it you and your pet accompanied Charles Krauthammer to
the affair. Bark once if that's true; twice, if not."
His eyes were watching God. That may
explain why he didn't avoid the pitfalls
of counterfactual decidering.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Gaza Death Toll Passes 1,000; Less Than 1,499,000 to Go
New Study Reveals More Americans
Approve of Same-Sex Marriage
Than Practice Same-Marriage Sex
"Prime time for men is 35 to 45. Then they level off. And
if they're lucky enough to live to be as old as I am, let's just
say staying airborne is more than enough excitement."
"Now that I've put that Minneapolis unpleasantness behind
me, General Ashcroft, what say we join forces and form a
new musical act, 'The Tongue-Talking Toe-Tappers'?"
"Sorry, hermano, but six bands mean we're living somewhere
south of the border, not the Great State of Texas."
"Why the long face, Ann?"
Chancellor of Germany Disguised as a Vase

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

World's Worst Yobs #67
Jeffrey Goldberg
Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) wants you to know that Israel
has only been using humanitarian methods of warfare against
the Palestinians in Gaza. Case in point: the Israelis sent a text
message to the occupants of this building urging them to
vacate the premises before it was blown to smithereens.
“What other country would do that?” the Senator asks.
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #14
Being George Bush
Ever Wanted to Be Someone Else? Now You Can.
Great Misadventures in Science #4
Israel Announces the Olmert Replicator,
the World's First Biomatter Resequencer
Henry Paulson begins his long-anticipated fade to black.
American Empire #41
Bellicose Auras
Stunning Stimulus Package Picking Up
Bipartisan Support on Capitol Hill
Even if the Bush Administration had lasted only
seven days, that would have been one week too long.

Monday, January 12, 2009

World's Worst Yobs #66
John Fund
Surefire Cure Discovered for Up-Skirt Peeking
"Ye shall utterly destroy all the places, wherein the nations
which ye shall possess served their gods, upon the high
mountains, and upon the hills, and under every green tree:
And ye shall overthrow their altars, and break their pillars,
and burn their groves with fire; and ye shall hew down
the graven images of their gods, and destroy the names of
them out of that place."
David Horowitz celebrated his 70th birthday by
converting yet again, this time to Breatharianism.
Sent by Pajamas TV to cover the Israeli-Palestinian conflict,
Joe the Plumber has come to the conclusion that the media
"should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting" on war.
And so he has decided to shift the focus of his reporting from
war to the latest advances in Israeli plumbing technology.

Rumors are flying thick and fast that the Aardvark
is planning to join the Ant for a 40th Anniversary
Reunion Tour in American theatres.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

"Monsieur FDIC, this afternoon we have for appetizers
the Washington Mutual Bank, the Indymac Bank, and
the Silver State Bank. Which would you prefer?"
"I'll have the lot."
"A wise choice, monsieur."
Rush Hour on the Eightfold Path
With less than ten days of his presidency left,
George Walker Bush couldn't shake the feeling
he was being stalked by historians who intended
to whup his ass.
What the Obama Administration's 'Car Czar' Will Drive
World's Worst Yobs #65
John Ziegler