Saturday, September 20, 2008

Once again, it looks like you're going to be left holding the bag.
So what'll it be: paper or plastic?
He was tired of being played for a sucker until the day
he realized that was his raison d'être.
Journalists Showing Proper Deference to Sarah Palin
at Her First Press Conference
Things Older Than John McCain #15
Charles Keating
McCain Surrogate's Reaction When Asked
to Appear on the Rachel Maddow Show
Donald Trump's Hair Switches Support
from Hillary Clinton to John McCain
Snowjob Squareglasses Zooms to #1 on Nickolodeon;
Spongebob Squarepants Threatens to Drown Himself
"'Opening up the health insurance market to more vigorous
nationwide competition, as we have done over the last decade
in banking, would provide more choices of innovative products
less burdened by the worst excesses of state-based regulation.'
Hmm, I wonder what fool wrote this? Let me see, it says right
here . . . 'John McCain'. Oops! Oh well, that was yesterday's
McCain. Today's a bright new day!"
Is that an article from The New American on
Councilwoman Sarah Palin's desk? Yes it is.
Is The New American the magazine of the
John Birch Society? Yes it is. Wasn't the John
Birch Society founded in 1958 by Robert Welch?
Yes it was. Didn't Robert Welch write a book
entitled The Politician? Yes he did. Wasn't
the thesis of The Politician that Dwight David
Eisenhower was a conscious, articulate agent
of the Communist Conspiracy? Yes it was.
Wasn't Dwight David Eisenhower President
of the United States? Yes he was.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Hoovervilles during the Great Depression were not
gated communities.

Today they are, thanks to President Bush
and the Republican Party.
What if you were promised one trillion one-dollar bills on the
condition that you had to count them first at the rate of one
dollar per second. Do you know how long it would take you to
count them? Approximately 12,684 years! Today, America's
taxpayers were encumbered with a $1 trillion bailout of our
financial sector. Luckily, that's only about $3,333 for every man,
woman, and child in the United States today. You can count that
high in less than an hour. So start counting and stop your bitchin'!
Charles Krauthammer believes that, in another fifty years,
George Walker Bush will be viewed by historians as favorably
as Harry S. Truman is today. Charles will only be 108 when
the verdict of history comes in, and, with luck, it will coincide
with George's 112th birthday so the two can celebrate with
cake, punch, and reminiscences about the good ol' days
of Shock and Awe.
"Privatize the profits and socialize the losses?
Are you trying to make a monkey out of me?"
This winter, chili pepper insulation could save
you up to 15% on your energy bills.
Three Stooges Reunion Tour Gets Big Wall Street Sendoff
Cat Replicating the Sound of Sarah Palin's Voice
"I like you kids a lot, but I'm really beginning
to miss Joe and Lindsey."
Laura Ingraham Sends Signal of Confidence to Financial
Markets, Refuses to Wave Her Arms in a Girly Fashion
McCain on Spain Goes Mainly Down the Drain

Thursday, September 18, 2008

"The Governor of Alaska says she's 'going to Washington, D.C.,
to shake things up!' Well, I'm Bambi's mother, and I can tell
you she sure shook me up---and look at me now!"
Chairman Mao-Mao and Her Flak Catchers
In the argot of pornography, this is called the 'Money Shot'.
God! how the Director of the FBI hated to open his mouth,
especially when he had to open it under oath.
"From here on out, Senator, if someone with a Spanish accent
asks you a question, just say, 'Hasta la vista, baby!' and run away."
Things Older Than John McCain #14
Battleship Maine
His boss had so bollixed the matter of the Prime Minister
of Spain that Randy Scheunemann was beginning to have a
hard time keeping straight in his own mind the differences
among Zapatero, Zapata, Zapato, Zapatistas, Zappa, and
Was it a noose tightening around O. J.'s neck,
or was it just his imagination?
Although he had been on the Supreme Court for 22 years,
Justice Costello still didn't know who's on first.
According to a purloined copy of the Invincible (McCain's
secret code name) Playbook, the Senator will change his
persona each week between now and November 4. This week
he is Huey Long. Next week he will be Teddy Roosevelt. And
the week after that, he will be Rambo, followed by The Gipper,
Rooster Cogburn, and Mr. Smith.
Things Older Than John McCain #13
World's Worst Yoobs #24
Megan McArdle
"Here's an easy way to remember the difference, Senator.
Latin America is mostly in the Southern Hemisphere and the
people who live there are largely brown or black. Spain is in
the Northern Hemisphere and the people who live there are
as white as Republicans."
"The fundamentals of the economy are American workers.
Yes, my friends, we're all fundamentalists now."

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild is not an elitist. Furthermore,
she, a bleach blonde with a Master's Degree in Ebonics, would
never vote for an elitist like Barack Obama. Never!
If he were the chairman of the Chinese equivalent of 
our Securities and Exchange Commission, Christopher Cox 
would be required to commit suicide at midnight, at dawn, 
and then again at noon.
Taxpayer Trapped Inside AIG Bailout Waiting to Be
Rescued by Captain America

All That Remained Following the Death Match Between
'Regulator' McCain and 'De-Regulator' McCain
"I'm so happy to meet someone with such a genuine smile.
You remind me so much of me."
Chris Cillizza Says Matt Drudge Rules in His Neighborhood
Not only is Sarah Palin a pit bull with lipstick.
She's also a woman with real balls.
Originally, a 'maverick' was an unbranded beeve. Now that
John McCain has been branded as a liar, he can no longer
be called a 'maverick', can he?
"So what if Sarah Palin's knowledge of foreign policy
is no more than an inch deep! That's twice as deep
as mine was when I ran for President in 2000!"
"Greetings, fellow revolutionaries! Thanks to Comrades Gramm,
Bush, and McCain, everything is going according to plan. Like
Comrade Lenin says, 'We will not have to attack the United
States. It will fall into our hands like an overripe fruit'."
Rubber Chicken Delivering Homily
Against Negative Campaigning
Even the founder of Marxism was skeptical about the AIG
bailout, the most radical government intervention
in private business in American history.
The reaction to Carly Fiorina's being 'disappeared'
from TV by the McCain campaign was dramatic.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Defending her remarks that Sarah Palin is not qualified 
to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 tanning salon, top McCain 
adviser and former HPCEO Carly Fiorina says she doesn't 
think John McCain, Barack Obama, or Joe Biden could 
run a tanning salon either.
If you want to fool your friends into thinking you're
outdoorsy type, like, say, Theodore Roosevelt,
use a tanning bed.
Sarah Palin does, and she's already
dreaming of the day her bronzed visage appears up

there with the Bull Moose's
on Mount Rushmore.
What's even more amazing about John McCain's creation
of the Blackberry is that he did it without ever using his
'tortured fingers'.