Saturday, December 10, 2011

Of Newt Gingrich's surge in the polls, Chester A. Riley
says, "What a revoltin' development this is!"
"OK, Eric, I'll admit I'm a Communist if you'll admit
you're a scum-sucking pig."
Leatherface Opens New Mobile Manicure Business
“My record," says Rick Santorum, "isn’t swiss cheese.
I mean it’s solid, it’s a solid block of cheese.”  Yes, Rick,
it's Limburger, and we can smell it from here.
"So, what did Santa's helper say, Mr. Santorum, when you
asked, 'Buddy, can you spare a dime'?"
Rick Perry says he's not ashamed to admit that he's a Christian.
When Jesus heard this, he said, "Don't ever forget that I was
never a Christian.  I was born a Jew and I died a Jew."
"All eight justices on the Supreme Court are unelected,
but Justice Montemayor is even moreso."

Friday, December 09, 2011

Oxymorons for Our Time #115
GOP Intellectuals
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #347
Walter F. Fitzpatrick III
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #2
Rand Paul
The Unexpurgated Bible #65
"And the Lord God commanded the woman,
 'But of bananas, cucumbers, carrots, and
zucchinis, thou shall not handle: for in
the day that thou handleth them thou mayest
 think of wee-wees, and that's a big no-no'."
Warm Scuzzies #242
Josh Block
Rick Perry to Play Heath Ledger Role in Re-Make of
Carhartt Mountain

Thursday, December 08, 2011

When it comes to Robert Stacy McCain, don't you wish
that what happened in Vegas, once upon a time, would
 have stayed in Vegas?
"Honey, I simply do not know where the money is!"

"But we're talkin' 1.7 billion dollars, Jon. That's 1700
million fucking bucks! How is it even POSSIBLE to
 lose or not even know where that much money is?"
Heidi Klum Flashes the 'Spock Sign'

Helena Bonham Carter Understands

Helen Thomas Does Not
"Is Newt nuts?  Yes, of course he is!  And I ought to know. 
As the author of Bushisms and Palinisms, I've become
rather nutty myself.  And, as they say, 'It takes one to
know one'.  Now, can I have my meds?"
Godzilla Sez:  "I'm really looking forward to spending
 Christmas with the Palins!"
Newt Gingrich, Master of Somniloquence
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #1
Nelson Warfield
Do not attempt to practice 'ambush journalism' on Bill
O'Reilly, or he will assault you with his bumbershoot.
The bad news is that only Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum
have agreed to participate in the Newsmax-sponsored debate
to be moderated by Donald Trump.  The good news is that
Newt Gingrich has been diagnosed with 'Multiple Political
 Personality Disorder' and will therefore be able to keep
the show entertaining by debating his opposing selves
and, when absolutely necessary,  Frothy.
"Pretty impressive landfill!"
"Yeah, and it's filled with body parts of American soldiers
killed overseas and dumped there by the Air Force."
When he travels, Newt Gingrich produces so much bullshit
 he needs two bathrooms.
What Jim Hightower used to say about Dubya needs to be
said now about Rick Perry: "If ignorance ever reaches $40
 a barrel, I want the drilling rights on his head."
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #130
Robert Stacy McCain and Michele Bachmann
"Do these chairs make our butts look fat?"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #346
Bonnie Hammer
Cross-Eyed Possum Gives Gingrich a Second Look
Lord Voldemort Blames Hillary Clinton for His Evil Deeds

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Mark Rothko Paint-by-Numbers Kit
Marked Down!
Was $19.99
Now ONLY $14.99 + $5.00 S&H
Danielle Pletka claims that Iran poses a greater danger if
it gets nuclear weapons and doesn't use them than it would
if it got nuclear weapons and used them. This is what is
called 'Proctologic' or, more colloquially, 'Pulling an
Argument Out of Your Ass'.
Governor Rick Perry Sez:  "Our kids can’t openly celebrate
Christmas or pray in school."

The Garland High School Chamber Singers deliver
Blago Sentenced to 14 Years of Jogging in the Snow
Practice Safe Apocalypse!  Get Your 'Invisible Mystic
Mayan Power Cloak' Now, While Supplies Last!
"Hey Crisco, where's Pauncho?"
Today's Necrology
"This is MY hedge fund.  Go find your own!"
"I'm like Nancy Reagan, always protective of my husband.
I'm like Laura Bush, a very loving mother and wife. I'm like
Jacqueline Kennedy, incredibly graceful and stylish, focused
on the arts and music. And I'm like Rielle Hunter, who had
a long-term adulterous affair with a member of Congress."
Merry Christmas, Congressman Gallegly!
Only 26 percent of Florida voters approve of Governor
Rick Scott's performance.  That's the same 26% who
have been diagnosed with rabies.
Someone has developed a useful rubric for classifying
Billionaires: 1) Whiny Billionaires, 2) Clueless Billionaires,
3) Authoritarian Billionaires, and 4) Philanthropic Billionaires.
Leon Cooperman (shown here) is a Whiny Billionaire.
"One time we were having sex, and I was looking up at the
ceiling, thinking about Ronald Reagan."
America Needs to Be Punished!
Vote Gingrich in 2012!
If Newt Gingrich is the Republican nominee for President,
even this Banana Slug believes he could beat him.
W. D. Boyce is remembered as the founder of
the Boy Scouts of America. If elected President,
Newt Gingrich may be remembered as the
 founder of the Junior Janitors of America.
Smokers May Lose Their Nipples