Saturday, January 24, 2015

Whiteworld #24
They're going to make a movie about the Iowa Freedom
Summit.  It'll be called 50 Shades of White.
Iowa Freedom Summit Seen from Space
At the Iowa Freedom Summit, people huddled around 
Chris Christie, a 'flaming liberal', in order to keep warm.
The thought of gutting Social Security gave Rand Paul's
whole body a stiffy.
Governor Jindal Publicly Endorses Benham
 Brothers Sedan Chair Service
"I'm a scientist, but I try not to act like it."
"I keep my hand in shape with this very easy five finger
“Without putting any words in my mouth, you can absolutely 
say that I’m relatively interested in people thinking I'm 
seriously interested in the fact that 2016 really is still far 
off, more than 340 days, in fact."
"Iowa Freedom Summit?  But, Congressman King, Des Moine's 
elevation is only 955 feet.  That's not much of a 'summit', is it?"
Flag Desecration #83
Second Nun Gives Birth in Italy; Pregnant Virgins No
Longer Rare, Authorities Say

Friday, January 23, 2015

When he learned that Modern Framer, a journal dedicated
to the theory and practice of Originalism, had folded,
Justice Scalia was shocked and saddened.
"I want to buy a vowel."
For a mere $195 million, you can own billionaire Jeff 
Greene's Palazzo di Amore in Beverly Hills.  It is 
equipped with 23 bathrooms, so if you suddenly 
feel the need to 'trickle down', there's always one 
within easy walking distance.
Greedheads Galore #39
Jeff Greene
A sure sign of Immigrant Influx Disease is a vacant stare.
Head Spa Massager Relieves Tension Caused by 
SkyMall Bankruptcy
Pinkos from Every Continent Call for 'End to 
Fossil Fuel Era
"I'm going to need your help to find a way out of this 
definitional problem of rape.  Know what I mean,
nudge, nudge?"
Time to beat a hasty retweet, folks!
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #159
And then King Abdullah rode his Wahhabi horse off 
into the sunset.
'King Abdullah, Who Nudged Saudi Arabia Forward, 
Dies at 90 from Motion Sickness'
Before feminists could control his sex life, Chuck would 
first need to get one.
'Conservatives Gather in Iowa'
"Follow my 12-step program, and you too can have 
skinny arms!"

Thursday, January 22, 2015

It Was a Dark and Stormy Knight
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #609
Sandy Rios
"My name is Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, but you
can call me Sal."
As early as 2008, Barack Obama had warned, "There are
 things we can do to save the Super Bowl. Making sure our 
footballs are properly inflated, for instance."
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #104
My Own Private Atlantic City
Like the pro-life protester said today, "The womb is 
the most dangerous place for a child."
Those monogrammed antimacassars are a nice touch. 
 You don't see those when you fly Coach on American.
The Unexpurgated Bible #110
"Let's deal with poverty," said Romney. "Have we done it? 
No. Let's do it!" And Jesus said unto him, "Sell all that thou
 hast, and distribute unto the poor."  And when Romney heard 
this, he was very sorrowful: for he could not understand King 
James English.
"But I thought Steve King's summit this weekend was
going to be held someplace high?"
Have you irked a 
Republican today?
Does anyone know if they sell Meowl Mix
at Costco?
If she were clever, Ginni Thomas would not have called
her new company 'Liberty Consulting'.  She would have
called it 'Lady Liberty Lobby'.
Mittens, Romney's Hermaphrodite Cat, 
 Getting Gender Assignment Surgery
"Can you believe the FBI arrested me for abusing
Just For Men® Touch of Gray?"
"'Worst Passwords' List Shows How Lazy We Are"
Tootsie Pop Dead at 95
Leader of German Anti-Muslim Movement Forced to
Step Down for Impersonating Michael Palin Doing a
Cheesy Hitler Impression
Bibi thought How to Be John Boehner's Bitch was well
written, but felt the plot got in the way of the story.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

When she removed her bread bags last night,

everyone saw that Senator Ernst was wearing camo pumps.
Roger Wicker (R-MS) was the only Senator to 
vote that climate change is a hoax.  It takes one
 to know one.
Cat Blogger After Slaving All Day
Over a Hot Computer
When a Catmobile pounces on a Mousemobile, it typically aims
 to do so clandestinely; otherwise it wouldn't be very effective.
"Did I hear you say 'Nincompope', Mr. Santorum, or am
I just having aural hallucinations?"