Saturday, May 30, 2009

After more than 30 years in the glare of the
political spotlight, Newton Leroy Gingrich
has finally achieved his lifelong goal, namely,
to become Public Enema #1.
Although they didn't know it at the time, Shinzo Abe,
then Prime Minister of Japan, and Wen Jiabao, Premier
of China, were shaking hands with Roh Moo-hyun, then
President of South Korea, for the last time. Suicide
always catches people off guard---even the rich, the
the famous, and the powerful.
World's Worst Yobs #99
Ron Christie
Many Fox News Sandheads Not Ready for Digital Conversion
on June 12, TV Industry Observers Say
If by 'like' is meant 'approve', the answer is "No."
If by 'like' is meant 'resembles', the answer
is "Lil Wayne performing 'Prom Queen'."
Sean Hannity's 'Top 10 Items for Victory' keep turning
out to be identical with the 'Top 10 Items for Defeat'.
He obviously needs help in coming up with a better
list. Can he count on you?
Bumpersticker Spotted on Michelle
Malkin's Dodge Viper
Recently-Declassified Photograph #12
Grand Master of the National Security Agency
House of Filth Residents Mobilizing for Next
Assault on Sotomayor Nomination
Harvard Business School Grads Take MBA Oath,
Promise They Won't Morph into

Gordon Gekkos

Friday, May 29, 2009

Fearguth's Rules of Order #27
You may succeed in deceiving one marmoset, but
never try to deceive three in a row. It can't be done.
Contrary to popular belief, pork barrels do not contain
swine flesh. Instead, they are filled with the carcasses
of lapsed Republican deficit hawks.
"Some of your friends in the Mafia, Mr. Tancredo, say that
you don't know that 'wop' spelled backwards is 'pow'. Is this
true, or are all those Eyetalian pasta chompers just
unfairly stereotyping you?"
There are Nazis, and then there are
ugly Nazis, like G. Gordon Liddy.
Brenda Lee Dragged Away from Air Force One for
Singing 'Jingle Bell Rock' at Wrong Time of Year
Long Lost Member of Critters Buggin' Shows Up on Fox News
World's Worst Yoobs #40
Wendy Long
Costume retailers are reporting that the new Dick Cheney
'Clown Who Ate the Canary' mask is flying off the shelves
even though it's still five months until Halloween.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

When all else fails, we humans pray. That fails, too, but
at least it gives us the satisfaction of doing something.
As this old homeless woman will tell you, if all the smoke
and mirrors were removed from our world, there wouldn't
be a whole lot left over. And what's left would probably be
exquisitely unendurable.
Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor Receives
Nihil Obstat
from David Broder; Confirmation Now
Considered to Be a Piece of Cake
Wubbzy is in the mood for some cookies and hugs.
If you have the cookies, he has the hugs.
Telling the difference between fighting and making love is
always difficult, especially when it comes to chameleons.
Asked to spell, 'posture', the contestant requested
that the word be used in a sentence. "Number 18,
you have the worst posture of anybody I've ever seen,"
was the reply.
If a man walks up to you and says, "My AMC Pacer has
been stolen," you can rest assured that he is lying.
Minnesota Clown Jeers at

New Michele Bachmann Comic Book
Some critics of Sonia Sotomayor say her fondness
for Patitas de Cerdo con Garbanzo (Pigs' Feet and
Chickpea Stew) will make her interpretation of
the Constitution too spicy to suit the average
Wonderbread Republican.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #42
Mark Krikorian
Rightist Blog Faces Cease-and-Desist Order
for Incessant and Flagrant Self-Parody

"What's the matter with Francesca? Is she ill?"
"Oh, it's nothing serious. She always acts like
that when she hears someone say,
'Newt Gingrich'."

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Today---May 27, 2009---is Henry Alfred Kissinger's birthday.
At 86, he remains the cold-blooded turdhead he's always been.
What if you had been fated to be Roger Ailes, the
American president of the Fox News Channel,
and knew that Lee Atwater had informed everyone
in the afterworld that you're probably the creepiest
person ever to walk on two legs over the surface of
Planet Earth? Luckily for you, that turned out to be only
a nightmare you had after taking too much Melatonin.
The new Judgebot is certified to be genderless, sexless,
identityless, and 100% empathy-free. Furthermore,
it is designed to never engage in judicial activism or
legislating from the bench, and can decide complex
Constitutional cases while simultaneously solving
the most difficult Rubik's Cube puzzles.
Jonah Goldberg Reportedly Unhappy
When Friends Tell Him He Is Looking
More and More Like His Mom
Peruvian Miner Backs Sotomayor Nomination, Refuses
to Listen to Protracted Pre-Confirmation Drivel
For a Limited Time Only: Buy One Tata Nano
and Two Large Drinks at the Regular Price, Get
the Second Tata Nano Free
"I was once a contestant in the Miss Universe Pageant,
but I got crossways with Donald Trump and fell on
hard times."
Karl Rove, who attended nearly a half dozen colleges
but never graduated from any of them, thinks Sonia
Sotomayor, who graduated summa cum laude from
Princeton and earned a law degree from Yale, isn't
smart enough to be on the Supreme Court. His
opinion calls to mind the Dragnet theme:
Liz Cheney, a Chip Off the Old Blockhead
VW Micro-Microbus

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"In postfeminist America," Ross Douthat avers,
"men are happier than women." So, if you're a
woman, Ross is happier than you are, even though
he doesn't look like it.
If we lived in the Real World, the confirmation
of Sonia Sotomayor to be a Supreme Court justice
would proceed expeditiously and with dignity. But
we live in the Unreal World, where dragons and
other horrid beasties roam freely.
You can smoke it, sniff it, or snort it. But as
any rightist will tell you, if you want to be
seriously crazy, you have to mainline it.
Kim Jong-Il Casts Deciding Vote in Favor of
Admitting North Korea into an Organization
Even More Exclusive Than the U. S. Senate:
The Nuclear Club

Monday, May 25, 2009

"Would the Republican Party, conservatives, rightists,
and other assorted wingnuts please find some younger
talent to play villains in America's political theater?
This is necessary in order to keep the American people
from falling asleep and snoring during the show.
Thank you."
While you're waiting for an invitation from George and
Laura Bush to come over to their place for some chips
and dip, here are a few interior shots of their $3.1 million
mansion in Preston Hollow.