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How Banana Republicans

Communicate

Judgment Day Turnout Much Smaller Than Expected

If the Bachmann-Santorum GOP dream ticket doesn't materi-

alize, maybe Plan B could be a Michele Bachmann-Bradlee

Dean GOP wet dream ticket.

"Bibi face,

You got the prettiest little Bibi face

There isn't another one to take your place

Bibi face

You got my heart a jumpin'

You sure have started something.

Bibi face,

I'm up in heaven when I'm in your firm embrace

I didn't need a shove,

I just fell in love

With your pretty little Bibi face."

"I think my problem is that I do have the fire in my belly.

I have that fire in my belly.  But yes, the fire in the

belly? It's there!  And so, does anybody have any
Alka-Seltzer?"

Governor Haley Preaching to the Choir Invisible

Katy Perry doesn't want to be looked at.  So, unless you wish

to be thought a 'lookist', please move along because there's

really nothing worth seeing here.

Not everyone lives like Osama bin Laden did in Abbottabad.

Scum (skm) n. 1. A filmy layer of extraneous or impure

matter that forms on or rises to the surface of a liquid or

body of water. 2. Refuse or worthless matter. 3. Slang

One, such as a person or an element of society, that is

regarded as despicable or worthless. [Don Blankenship

is scum.]

Just moments before, he had looked so distinguished.  And

then he opened his mouth and was laughed out of the room.

Newt and Callista Gingrich Officially Inducted

into the Glitterati

"Keep building, Mukesh.  I can still

smell the hoi polloi."

"Tell me, Big Baby, are you Pro-Life or Pro-Choice?"

Imagine writing a whole book with

the title of Subversion, Inc.  How

could you sleep at night, knowing

that you were not only being sub-

verted, but that the subversives

were also incorporated?  Sub-

versive corporations:  pretty

damn scary!

Who in his or her right mind would wear

cowboy boots with 'Come and Take It'

emblazoned on them?  No one.  But

then there's Rick Perry, the Governor

of Texas, who hasn't been in his right

mind since he graduated from Texas

A&M in 1972.

"Governor Barbour, as the most illustrious member of the law

firm of Oink, Grunt, and Squeal, how do you explain the fact

that there are currently no scions from the South running 

for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination?" 

World's Best-Known Stoner Unendorses World's

Least-Known Republican, and Everything Changes

Action Figures Sold Separately

"Don't lay any of that 'Shorter Matthew Vadum' blogstuff on

me!  Were I any shorter, leprechauns might start looking

down on me and stop making shoes and leaving pots of

gold at the end of rainbows."

"I've flown around the world in a plane

I've settled revolutions in Spain

The North Pole I have charted,

But I can't get started with you."

After Adlai Stevenson, it was downhill

all the way for eggheads.

"Tell me again, Ms. Geller, how you like

your eggs."

Lest we forget, it was Representative Darrell Issa, a billionaire,

 who spearheaded the recall drive that made The Sperminator

the Governor of California.  Isn't it amazing what a shitpile

of money can do?

Governor Perry Chooses USS Texas as Arrière-Garde to

Blast Lone Star State Back to the Nineteenth Century

"Something wicked this way comes!"

"For God's sake, Rihanna, do NOT

turn around!"

Richard Vedder dares you to look him straight in the eye.

Big Oil, Little Senate

"A lesser person could not have survived the first few min-

utes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and

dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready

to lead those who won't be intimidated by the political elite."

Conan Challenges Trump to Comb-Off

Young Man Ready to Defend His Constitutional Right

to Keep and Bear Flags

After hearing that coffee cuts the risk of prostate cancer,

he wasn't taking any chances.

"HONEY, DID YOU READ THAT VIAGRA

 CAN CAUSE HEARING LOSS?"

"COULD YOU SPEAK A LITTLE

LOUDER, DEAR?"

San Francisco to Vote on Circumscription Ban

Would it be premature to dream of a Bachmann-Santorum

GOP ticket in 2012?

I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony

'Free Citizen on a Free Highway' Arrested for Driving Car 

with Badly-Drawn Homemade License Plate

Even with a knife and gun, the short fat old man couldn't

keep hotel maids from laughing at him.

Boy with Magnetic Personality Hopes to

Attract Girls, Not Cutlery, When He Gets

Older

"Any ad which quotes what I said on Meet the Press last

Sunday is a falsehood, because I have said publicly those

 words were inaccurate and unfortunate, spoken while I

was being cruelly subjected to enhanced interrogation

 techniques by David Gregory."

GOP Biker Elite See Daniels as 2012 Savior

Yes, even the Eight-Fold Path leads to a dead end.

"I am no longer a member of the Gang of Six.  I am now a

member of the Gang of One."

"Sure, I know John McCain was a

POW for over five years.  But, when

it comes to knowing how torture works,

his experience can't compare to my

'Google Problem'. 

Where in the Constitution does it say that members of the

House of Representatives, like Michele Bachmann, have

the right to use Twitter? It doesn't, does it?

Head of International Mofo Fund Told to Zip Fly

Snake on Gadsden Flag Apparently Tired of Tea Parties