Saturday, January 27, 2018

Courtland Sykes Sez: "Real Americans
say 'Missourah'."
"Tell me, sir, do you believe the Derp State will be 
undermined by the Deep State, or will it collapse
of its on accord?"
Steve Wynn, Notorious Sex Bandit and Trump's 'Great
 Friend', Vacates Finance Chair of Republican National
 Committee, Now On the Lam Somewhere Out West
Daughter of EPA Administrator Cathy Stepp
Says Mother Always Has Fake Nose and
Glasses with Her
Stormy Pepperoni, Trump's Best Pizza Ass
Not since the Sack of Rome has the world 
seen such a Visigoth.
 "Consarn it! Some goldurned 
whippersnapper stole my teeth!"
Local Carnivore Wins 'All-the-Raw-Meat-
in-5-Minutes Contest'
Man: "You should be ashamed to be so dirty!"
Man: "IOKIYAP?  What's that supposed to mean?"
Pig: "It's OK if you are a pig. You know, like IOKIYAR:
It's OK if you're a Republican."
Recognizing that 'honesty' and 'openness' are
not in sync with its essence, the NSA has
surreptitiously deleted these values from
its online mission statement.
"What Cheetolini dust?"
"What is your hypothesis, Congressman Nunes, why
California hasn't spat you out of the Universe like
a watermelon seed?"

Friday, January 26, 2018

To be sexually harassed by anyone would be bad enough,
but to be sexually harassed by someone who looks like
Steve Wynn? Good Lord!
Like the guy who set off the false incoming missile alarm
 in Hawaii, the driver of the snow crawler is refusing to
“At 50," Orwell wrote, "everyone has the face he deserves.” 
That's true, but at least it's not Howard Kurtz's face.
In the Land of Do-It-Yourself Proctologists
"And it wasn’t until I became a politician that I realized 
how nasty, how mean, how vicious, and how fake cheese 
can be."
Even Matt Gaetz's friends call him 'Bruno Smegma'
behind his back.
"I'm looking forward to talking to Mueller."
Two Ways of Taking Care of Business
Trump Attempts Vulcan Salute, Fails
Aide to Representative Patrick Meehan (R-PA) will 
never forget that fateful day when she innocently said
 'Obamacare' and Meehan suddenly sexually
harassed her.
Guggenheim Museum Offers to Install Solid Gold Crapper 
in White House, Claims It Sounds, When Flushed, Like
a Dutchman Saying, 'Van Gogh!'
Trump says he didn't know that a British far-right 
group were 'horrible racists'. "I thought Britain First 
was just an overseas branch of America First,"
Trump explains.
Piers Morgan Says Trump Makes 'Significant Climbdown'

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Want to know what marrying Donald Trump does to
your looks? Ask Ivana.
Puddy Tat
Johnson's Cave
America's Cows at Risk from Mad Dobbs Disease
Lou Dobbs Sez: “I much prefer to see jail sentences for 
violating the trust of the American people, and 
working against the Constitution and yes, the 
President of the United States.”
Courtland 'Make Me a Sandwich' Sykes (R-MO) Sez:
"Feminists push an agenda that they made up to suit their 
own nasty snake-filled heads and are career-obsessed 
banshees who forgo home life and children and the
 happiness of family to become nail-biting manophobic 
hell-bent feminist she-devils."
Lawyer says that when Trump said he would speak
 with the special counsel under oath, he only meant 
to say he wanted another Diet Coke.
DOJ spox Sarah 'Ax Me No Questions' Flores opens
her mouth only for degassing, not for answering
By a landslide 50-49 vote in the Senate, Sam Brownback,
the most unpopular governor in America, has been 
confirmed as Trump's At-Large Ambassador for 
International Religious Freedom from Gays.
A New Messiah for Our Time
Trump Buys Stairway to Hell
Trump Looking Forward to Lying Under Oath

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Schumer Says Border Wall Is Off the Table
By order of Trump, the Statue of Deportation will 
replace the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor.
The Unexpurgated Bible #158
"For wide is the gate, and broad is the Waze, 
that leadeth to the bottom of Lake Champlain."
To think Megyn Kelly is a journalist is to think Abe 
Lincoln was a Pikachu Trainer.
There are two stunt breasts and one stunt beast in this
picture. Can you tell which is which?
Amazon's New Company Slogan
Cat Even Grumpier After Trump Asked Who She
Voted For
The Unexpurgated Bible #157
Then Jesus said unto them, "And ye shall hear of wars 
and rumors of wars and of Bud Light being the best-selling 
beer in America: see that ye be not troubled: for all these
 things must come to pass, but the end is not yet."
When the Koch brothers rewarded Paul Ryan with
$500,000 for helping give them a big tax cut,
someone observed that Ryan's price was not far
above Ruby the Pross's.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Swineflesh Under Glass Giving Short-Fingered Vulgarian
Trusting Mitch McConnell to keep his word is like 
trusting a crocodile to give you a pedicure.
You do not want to see what happened to the
LimeBike rider.