Saturday, December 20, 2014

Obamacare Hipster in Flannel Onesie Says

Brother Now Selling $120 Flannel Shirts
for Glenn Beck
 Putin Riot, Masculinist Punk Rocker, Rips Page 
Out of Limbaugh's Jokes for Johns
Tower of Babel

Tower of Pork
If you listen carefully to his press conference, Obama didn't 
say 'James Flacco'.  He said 'James Flanco', which is the 
Kim Jong-un pronunciation.
The only thing that stops a Worst Man with a gun is a 
Best Man with a gun.
Gavin Seim Sez:  “You do not need a permit to 
exercise your rights. If you, my friends, want a 
tank in your front yard, then buy one, and I
 for one may want to live next door, because
 your house will be the safest on the block."
[The MSRP for a tank is about $65 millionThose
 'Second Amendment Remedies' are getting 
more expensive as time goes on.]
Dutch Pundit Reacts to Rubio/Paul Feud
Chiropractic Adjustment Turns 50-Year-Old Glenn
Beck into 90-Year-Old Department Store Santa
  "Well, here's another fine mess you've gotten us into!"
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #156
Queen Elizabeth liked to grin diabolically
 on the Sixteenth Day of Zappadan.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Michael Lynton Sez:  “We have not caved. We have not
 given in. We have persevered and we have not backed
down.  What we did simply cannot be put into words.
So, I'll act it out for you."
Warm Scuzzies #521
Michael Lynton
One of the Memorable Moments at the Three-Hour 
Performance by Putin Riot, the Russian Masculinist 
Punk Rocker
Rare Northern White RINO Invites POTUS to Deliver SOTU
Decision to Permit the Cloning of Santa Claus Blamed 
for Beaches Being Overrun by Jolly Old Elves
John Hinderaker Sez: "I have never seen Stephen 
Colbert’s show on Comedy Central. I have been too busy 
checking the kerning of Obama's birth certificate."
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #64
Nigel Farage
Bill O'Reilly-Inspired T-Shirt Now 
Very Popular with African-Americans
Things That Make Your Skin Crawl #10
Being in the Same Room with Congressman Blake
Farenthold While He's Having Sexual Fantasies

Thursday, December 18, 2014

"I push 'enter' and Roger Ebert avatar gives thumbs down 
to 'The Interview' and makes Sony execs pee in pants."
Even Copepods celebrate on the 
Fifteenth Day of Zappadan.
Army Deploys $1 Billion Gospel
Blimp Over District of Columbia
Recently-Declassified Photograph #38
What Bush 41 Was Served the Moment
Before He Vomited on the Japanese 
Prime Minister
"OK, here's the sitch:  if you're first in line, you may become 
President of the United States.  Otherwise, you could possibly
 end up as Fearguth."
Alamo Drafthouse Cancels Screening of Team
America: World Police, May Change Name to
Surrender the Alamo! Drafthouse
ISIS Plumber Responds to Customer Whose Check Bounced
Breitbartian Logic 101:  The United States should go to 
war with North Korea because a corporation based in 
Japan caved to a terrorist threat.
Dallas Strip Club Sued for Being a 'Common Nuisance' 
and a 'Threat to Roman Architecture'
Gabriel Heatter

Gabriel's Heater
Joseph Epstein's ears double as NSA listening posts on the
Fourteenth Day of Zappadan.
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #155
Octobeard Terrified by Octomom
The 7 Stages of Grief: 1) Bad Egg, 2) Ugly Duckling, 
3) Daffy Duck, 4) Lame Duck, 5) Dead Duck, 
6) Duck Soup, and 7) Phil Robertson
Lookee here!  We got $2.50 a gallon gas without a
President Gingrich.  Win-win!
Father:  "It's all yours, son!  It's just like mine!"
Son:  "Thanks, Pop!  It's the Red Ryder AR-15
 I've always wanted for Christmas!"
It rained on orthodoxy's parade on the 
Thirteenth Day of Zappadan.
North Korean Soldier Disciplined After Being Caught
Peeking at The Interview
Bill O'Reilly Sez:  "It isn't a mythical war 
on Christmas. It's real and we just won!"
In order to fully normalize relations with Cuba, will Barack
Obama be required to hold hands with Fidel Castro?
Human Rights Abuser Normalizes Relations with
Human Rights Abuser

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

If you doubt the efficacy of the Cuban Embargo, just look 
at how it has turned Fidel Castro into an octogenarian!
"Standing on my left is my BFF, the 'hapless' David Rivera, 
who this fall made 'the worst congressional comeback 
attempt of all time'.  Let's give him a big round of 
applause before he becomes a complete and total
 political nonentity."
Senator Harumphio Takes a Timeout for a Cooldown
Where Cashew Milk Comes From
American Schutzstaffel #46