Having regained the optimal fetal position,

Ryan was ready to return to the womb.

"The custom of smoking an orange for breakfast is not very

widespread, taking the world as a whole, and it is thought by

many peoples to be, uh, a distinctly, uh, you know, something

or other. You catch my drift, bro?"

Aren't you glad she's Jesse's girl, and not yours?

"Uh, Mom, some old fart with a beard is staring at us."

"Save the tigers? No way, not with all these crazy preachers

running around!"

Was he perceiving the permanent unchanging archetype of
 a soccer ball or just one of its fleeting shadows? Christian 
couldn't make up his mind, so he resolved to read the 
Phaedo one more time after the game.

Low-Budget Limo

One Way to Beat the High Cost of Gas

Another Day at the David and Goliath Summer Camp

The Joker

The No Joker

Bob Dole OD's on Viagra, Unloads on McClellan

"May I have your attention please! Just because I have

red horns doesn't mean I like devilled eggs. Thank you

and have a nice day."

Obama Plays 'Young and Healthy' Card; McCain Folds

Vaudeville was never quite the same after the Unctuous

Brothers, John and Joe, retired from the stage.

World's Worst Yobs #36

Mike Gallagher

Turkey vultures have bald heads so that they can efficiently slip

their beaks in and out of the bloated bodies of dead animals.

Likewise, Mike Allen's bald head expedites his flights in and
out of the fundaments of his right-wing pals.

President Bush Testing His Oscillation Overthruster

Things to Avoid #14

French Kissing a Cobra

According to current and former officials in the Bush 
Administration, the Scott McClellan who resigned as 
press secretary in April, 2006, is not the same person who 
wrote What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and 
Washington's Culture of Deception. That person is a mole
 from the Left Blogosphere who happens to look exactly
 like the real Scott McClellan.

The matador had the bull just where he wanted him.

Lazy People Protesting Protestant Work Ethic

Hungarian Sheepdog Mops the Floor with the Competition

Can you hear it now, or should he turn up the volume?

Very Still Life with Homeless Man

"Good grief! This is the third time this week we've had to

stop and look for one of Stefan's contact lenses!"

"Oh, that's the McClellan Heron after the birds of his feather

stopped flocking together."

David Gregory Grades His Pre-Iraq War Coverage Harshly,

Gives Himself an A Instead of an A+

Gglitch on Phoenix Lander Delays Mars Exploration

The Incredible Hulk As a Young Punk

Dunkin' Donuts Yanks Rachael Ray Ad; Company Officials

Say It Reminds Them Too Much of Michelle Malkin

Surgery to separate these conjoined twins is too risky,

doctors say. "We really can't tell where Phil Gramm

ends and John McCain begins," one surgeon explained.

Pointy-Headed Elitist

Pointy-Headed Anti-Elitist

Michelle Malkin says she's been a fan of Dunkin' Donuts for

years. She believes their Munchkins are heaven, and their

coffee is better and cheaper than Starbucks. So you can imagine

her surprise and dismay when she found a keffiyeh inside the

Dunkin' Donuts Father's Day Gift Set she had bought for Jesse.

EPA Chief Stephen Johnson and President Bush thought it was

pretty funny when the name of the Environmental Protection

Agency was changed to the Administration Protection Agency.

In his memoir, What Happened, Scott McClellan aptly

describes the role of the press secretary during the years

of the Bush Administration: “I had allowed myself to

be deceived into unknowingly passing along a falsehood.”

In Colombia, field sobriety testing includes wrapping bricks

of marijuana and lining them up as far as the eye can see.

These soldiers, by the way, passed the test.

World's Worst Yobs #35

Mark Halperin

If Diego Montoya wants people to think of him as a 'drug lord',

he ought to at least look the part.

Kobe had decided that would be the last time he drank any

of that XTreme Persimmon Gatorade.

"Remember, Johnny, bad little boys go to Nixonland."

It was not until the Bush-McCain experiment

turned out so badly that the tide of public opinion

turned decisively against human cloning.

Did the President overhear Republican Representative Pete

Sessions tell a group of eighth-graders visiting the Capitol

last week from Dallas that "everybody hates George Bush?"

Yes, he did.

Stepford MILF Takes a Load Off

"I'll bless Your name O John McCain,

for You are worthy of the highest praise

Hallelujah to Your name."

McCain Fundraiser Moved from Phoenix Convention Center

to Front Yard of Private Home

Summer Camp had the strangest effect on Fearguth this year.