Saturday, August 24, 2013

"I am secretly a citizen of Ethiopia.  You may have already 
read about my most famous ancestor in Acts 8:26-40."
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #29
David R. Usher
Kevin Williamson is not a woman.  Thank God!
Imagine J. Edgar Hoover as the Colossal Beast.  
That would be the National Security Agency.
Steve Ross, owner of the Miami Dolphins, and Rick Scott,
Governor of Florida, are, in Facebook terms, 'in a relation-
ship'.  Don't they make a handsome couple?
All that needs to be said about the much-delayed
departure of Bob Filner as mayor of San Diego is,
"Good widdance to bad wubbish!"

Friday, August 23, 2013

Syria's all blowed up, so it's time for the U.S. to blow it
up some more.
What was long suspected has now been confirmed by a
 recent scientific study:  the Blue State City Mouse is 
smarter than the Red State Country Mouse.
A report out of Florida says George Zimmerman is in the
market for a new phallic prosthesis, like this one.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #519
Reverend Perry Black
If, when they come to trial, James Francis Edwards, Jr., 
Michael Dewayne Jones, and Chancey Allen Luna are
acquitted because they were just 'standing their ground',
then it will be time for some 'Reverse Trayvon' outrage. 
Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) Suggests President
Obama Could Be Impeached for His Intentional
Mishandling of Hurricane Katrina
David Allen Brutsche, 'Sovereign Citizen'
Lieutenant-Governor David DeepDewDewhurst
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #21
Craig Paul Cobb

Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Six Million Dollar Man had nothing on 
the Forty-Seven Million Dollar Woman.
Female Muslim Students in Indonesia Narrowly Avert
Annual Encounters with the Hymen Examiner
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #518
Vicki Marble
Illegal Fishing License Found in Liz Cheney's Carpetbag

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

New Poll Shows 29% of Louisiana Republicans
Blame Hurricane Obama on Katrina Van Den
"Oh, quite honestly, I don't really remember when I realized
I was a bird-dog."
Some say that Matt Kibbe, President and CEO of 
FreedomWorks, stole his sideburns from the 1970s.
But that couldn't be true, because no one in the
1970s ever grew such absurd sideburns.  No one.
Why is it that the first word that pops into your head when
you look at Mark Levin's face is 'scurvy'?  Hasn't Mark
 ever heard of Vitamin C?
In addition to being a renowned
philologist and philosopher, 
Friedrich Nietzsche was also
a proficient juggler who could
keep up to seven of his heads
 in the air at the same time.
Man Claims Special Goggles Made It
Possible for Him to See How God Made 
Pope Benedict Quit
The Unexpurgated Bible #91
“If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and
 you will know the truth, and the truth will put you behind bars 
for 35 years.” 
World's Worst Yobs #291
Jeffrey Toobin
Michael Brandon Hill Described as
'Just an Average Troglodyte'
Your Next Is a Horror Movie for Grammarians

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The Unexpurgated Bible #90
"And they went out and fled from the tomb; for trembling and 
astonishment had come upon them when they saw the red, 
white, and blue elephant that had been resurrected from 
the deadand they said nothing to anyone, for they were 
Q:  Does anyone remember how many incandescent 
lightbulb jokes Newt Gingrich told at CPAC this year?
A:  Newt who?
Senator Cruz Holds Nose Whilst Renouncing Citizenship
in Soviet Canuckistan

Contrary to popular belief, T. Herman Zweibel 
was not the father of The Onion. 

This guy was the father of The Onion.
American Schutzstaffel #32
I Remember Dubya #61
Yes, 'Our Leader' led the United States into two pointless 
wars and a great recession.
"President Obama hates white people and
I is a white people!"
Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga After Conjoined
Twins Surgery

Monday, August 19, 2013

Ted Cruz's Paisley Bathrobe
Years at Princeton, 1988-1992
Warm Scuzzies #422
Officer Scott Crow
Ted Cruz's Birth Certificate Proves He's Either
a Canadian-American or an American-Canadian
Alexander the Great

The Great Alexanders

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Michael Grunwald, a Time Drone, Tweets "I can't wait
to write a defense of the drone strike that
takes out Julian Assange"; Tweet Taken Out by
Same Time Drone Moments Later
Carmelo Flores, a Bolivian farmer,
attributes his longevity---he's 123
years old---to a diet of quinoa,
riverside mushrooms, and around-
the-clock chewing of coca leaves.
And he's always high, living as
he does in a hamlet located 13,123
feet above sea level.
"Did I hear somebody say, 'federal bribery probe'?"
Warm Scuzzies #421
Scott Gessler
World's Worst Yoobs #137
Sarah Hoyt
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #28
Dan Patrick