Saturday, November 05, 2011

Jesse Ventura Threatens to Sing the National Anthem
Sitting Down
Lady Liberty Celebrates 125th Birthday

Friday, November 04, 2011

Now available from Time-Life Music:  Herman Cain's
Godfather of Pizza Collection, Featuring His Latest Hit,
 'I Am the Koch Brothers' Brother from Another
Ask Mitt Romney which America he believes in, and
he will say, "Both:  North America on even-numbered
days and South America on odd-numbered days."
First, there was flip-flopping. 
Second, there was flip-flopping
about flip-flopping. 
Third, there was Mitt Romney.
"Mr. Cain, we understand your first 9-9-9 Plan cost
the National Restaurant Association $45,000.  If
you recall, that was the payout, made in September,
1999, to settle one of the sexual harassment claims
made against you."
In the words the Washington Post reporter used to
describe Rick Perry's speech in New Hampshire,
the Party Monster "was loose and extremely ani-
mated, even playful.”
As the sexual harassment plot thickened, Herman Cain's
poll numbers went up.  Well, what did you expect from
 the Republican electorate?
Oxymorons for Our Time #111
Super Committee
"With bazongas like hers, how could
 Meghan McCain not lean forward?"

Thursday, November 03, 2011

The side effects of OxyContin include memory loss,
constipation, fatigue, dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness,
headache, dry mouth, anxiety, hearing loss, pruritus,
diaphoresis, dimness in vision, loss of appetite,
nervousness, abdominal pain, diarrhea, ischuria,
dyspnea, hiccups, impotence, enlarged prostate,
decreased testosterone, and Rush Limbaugh.
"If I had been the Deity on the point of creating the world,
and had foreseen that Ann Coulter would be in it, I would
have left the world uncreated."
"Sure, I had 100 members of the House in my pocket, but
that left 335 who weren't.  And I view that as a failure."
House of Representatives Votes to Make National Motto
More Emphatic, to Wit:  'In God We Trust, Goddammit!'
Warm Scuzzies #233
William Adams
"And then I told the President, 'The mice are
feet down', and he said, 'Pixie and Dixie?'."
Goldline, Glenn Beck's Favorite Sponsor, Charged
 with Fraud:  Who Woulda Thunk It?
If you are a 'person' like General Electric, you made $14.2
billion in profit in 2010 and paid $0 in taxes.  And you would
not be alone, for there were 30 Fortune 500 'persons' who
were profitable and paid $0 in taxes in 2008, 2009, and 2010.
Listen carefully and you can hear 20.5 million Americans,
living 50% below the federal poverty line, singing
 'America the Beautiful'.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Defendant to Plead Guilty in Hutaree
'Shotgun Wedding' Plot
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #343
Mike Vanderboegh
Choose your punishment:  die and join 72 virgins in Paradise,

live and spend 72 days married to Kim Kardashian.
Warm Scuzzies #232
Solamere Capital
Herman Cain Uses 'Vaffanculo' Gesture He Learned from
Clarence Thomas Who Learned It from Tony Scalia

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

The Unexpurgated Bible #63
And the Lord spake unto him, saying, "Just as I revealed
 unto thy father and unto thy father's father, rock always
breaks scissors."
Angry Pizza Godfather Orders Hit on The Politico
Michael Medved wants you to know that the notion
the rich are getting richer is just a myth.
"Our blacks are so much better than their blacks,"
said Lady Ann Coulter of Destrehan Plantation.
Entire Loudon County Republican Committee
to Enter Humor and Satire Rehab
"Just as Popeye had his 3 V's---Vim, Vigor,
and Vitaliky---, I have mine:  Valium, Vicodin,
 and Vodka."

Monday, October 31, 2011

Greedheads Galore #18
Eugene Isenberg
Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #112
Saber Point
At long last, he had finally reached the top.  Now what?
Younger Generation Learns the Hard Way That
Barney Fife Was the Exception, Not the Rule
Pachyrhinosaurus perotorum
Hillary Seeks Pakistan's Help
"Bring me the head of the accuser!"
"On a platter, sir?"
"Yes, and with ham gravy."
Herman Cain believed that all he had to do
to deflect charges of sexual harassment
was to push his 'Patriot Button'.
Happy Full Monty Halloween to You All!
"Thanks to your cooperation, John, we've been able to
reduce Congress' approval rating to 9%.  Our place
in the history books is assured."

Sunday, October 30, 2011

"I'm dreaming of a 1% Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know."
Out of the mouths of babes, sucklings, and pinheads
oft come words of wisdom.