Saturday, May 25, 2013

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #83
Dracula's Daughter Goes to Wingstop
Warm Scuzzies #400
Ben Baldanza
Jan Brewer's face has more strata than the
Grand Canyon.
Gabriel 'Duckweed' Gomez Calls Ed Markey
'Pond Scum'
Sheriff Joe had to bite his tongue when he swore
 that his office has never used race in making its 
law-enforcement decisions.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Paula Deen Getting Her Own Museum
Young Kentuckians Learn Addition by Counting
Mitch McConnell's Chins
Warm Scuzzies #399
The Briad Group
Andrea Tantaros Sez:  “Obama said he would 
change the country. He said it. He said it. 
And a lot of people voted for him. And 
if you see any of those people today, do 
me a favor: punch them in the face!”
[That would be over 58 million faces
she's demanding to be punched.]
"We have nothing to fear.  Period!"
Rumsfeld's Rule #1:
"Rules are like pie crusts,
made to be broken."
Southern Baptist Convention Sez:
“We are deeply saddened. Homo-
sexual behavior is incompatible
with the principles enshrined in 
the Scout oath and Scout law,
which God instituted on the
Sixth Day of Creation.”
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #500
Steve Smith

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Parental Advisory #5
Explicit Comfort Station Claymation
One wonders if Greg Abbott, a Roman Catholic,
 obeys the Fourth Commandment, "Remember the 
Sabbath Day, to keep it holy."

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Equine Pornographer at Work
Still Life with Donald Rumsfeld and Iraq
Parmenides and His Horse Proving That Change
Is Impossible
Nature abhors a vacuum. This has been true 
since one of the preSocratics first ejaculated
"Goddam this Eureka!."
As Zippy the Pinhead might say, "All life is a blur
of Spinghazi and Tittoos."
Senator Coburn's Cat
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #82
The Unloved One
"Let me be clear, I don't trust the Republicans.  And I 
don't trust the Democrats.  Some days, I'm so
McCarthyized, I don't even trust myself! And I 
don't drink!"
Little Known Fact #37
Stephen King moonlights as an understudy to Mike
Gordon, the bass player of Phish.
Sorry, Daft Punk, but trading one copy of Chase and 
Status's 'No More Idols' for ten copies of 'Random
 Access Memories' would be a bad deal. 
Plumber's Friend

Tax-Dodger's Friend
E. W. 'Wide Awake' Jackson Demands to See 
Harry Reid's LDS Identification Card
For the fourth time since 1956, the residents of
Portland, Oregon have voted to foil the con-
spiracy to sap and impurify all of their precious 
bodily fluids.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

"You're cute and all, little darlin', and I know you're
hungry, but like the Bible says, 'The one who is unwilling 
to work shall not eat'.”
Warm Scuzzies #398
Tim Cook
More Tornadoes from the Global Warming Hoax? 
Nobody Knows!
World's Worst Yobs #287
Christopher Bedford
Malkin Dairy Breed Best Known for High Yield 
of Clabbered Milk
It didn't take long for the world to realize that Tom
Coburn was nothing more than a run-of-the-mill
street thug.

Monday, May 20, 2013

"The reports that I have become a zombie are
somewhat exaggerated."
Mark Amodei (R-NV) Sez:  "While I'm happy to give
up my taxpayer-subsidized health insurance, I would
ask that everyone keep their distance and not breathe
any germs on me."
"Honestly, do I look stark staring mad to you?"
Rand Paul Says 'Damning IRS Memo' 
Hidden Under Bigfoot's Party Hat
"Where is he?"
"Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife."
It's official:  Mt. Everest is now the world's 
highest landfill.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Warm Scuzzies #397
Jonathan Karl
The Jackass Whisperer
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #499
Pete Santilli
"Take it from me, folks:  'Aquafresh Iso-Active Lasting 
Impact Head-to-Toe Whitening Paste' really works!
Be sure to try our recipe for kickin' Hindu Skewers!
Rightbloggers and Other 
Internet Biohazards #137
Cranky Hermit