Thursday, June 15, 2006

Fearguth will be enjoying the Bonnaroo Music Festival
( for the next four days.
He'll be back online next Monday evening.
Thiago Dias of Brazil is in the process of setting
a new world record in the long jump. At press time,
he was still airborne.
Billed as the 'Busty Babes', Rosa Blasi and Lisa Ann
Walter's act consisted of walking around on stage,
trying to stand up straight.
No matter how closely they looked, the Saudi Arabian
soccer players could not find the ball.
Not Your Average Motorcycle Hothead
"Look, Mommy! Hugo is playing with
his gun again."
Dennis Hastert was very pissed when he realized
that increasing his caloric intake wasn't a viable
solution to the problem of illegal immigration.
Having failed to sell his 'flat tax' panacea to America,
Steve Forbes is now trying to sell it to Russia. Like other
observers, Vladimir Putin wonders why Steve's eyes
never blink.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

While Japan was building an army of humanoid Samurai robots,
what was America doing to counter this threat?

Patrick Fitzgerald was unleashing the humanoid Rove robot,
and the Japanese were already talking 'unconditional surrender'.
What is it about the phrase, "Kiss my bottom!",
that makes it so much more effective than the
phrase, "Kiss my hat!?"
Had David been a university student in Nicaragua,
he would have slain Goliath the Philistine this way.

When Tom DeLay wears a suit and tie,
he looks like this.

When he doesn't, he looks like this.
"Was Judas Jesus' best friend or worst enemy?" The fact
that this question is being asked in 2006 is an
indication of how much power the past--whether
real or imagined--has over the future. We ask such
questions in the present, where the past and
the future overlap.
A car carrier crash is like coitus interruptus:
what appears to be so new and hard one
moment suddenly becomes so old and soft
the next.
When Mothra was a baby, it had a wingspan of only
25 centimeters. But when it grew up and became
a movie star, its wingspan was 250 meters.
Moral: If you wish to become one of Godzilla's most
challenging opponents, you must spread your wings and fly.
Rugby Puzzle
There are five balls in this picture.
Can you spot them?

Bangladeshi Drum Chased by Bangladeshi Drummer
Warning: Don't Jack with Black!
Blue-Tongued Skink

Acid-Tongued Skank
Contestants in this year's Bridezilla contest
in New York City were exceptionally horny.
In Accra, the capital of Ghana, people
make a statement with the coffins they
are buried in. The person who will be
laid to rest in this bottle, for instance,
was The Real Thing and lived on The
Coke Side of Life.
Hardee's Monster Thickburger looks pretty big until
you see a Tucker-Davidson Whole Hogburger, which
weighs over 43 pounds.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Jack the Cat chased

Smokey the Bear

up a tall tree.

In the good old days, when a walky-talky was two Dixie Cups
connected by a piece of string, this is what a TV looked like.
Employees of Fast-Food Chain Protest
Inhumane Working Conditions
In Sclave, Bulgaria, the grand prize for winning the
wrestling match is a live sheep. As you can see, the
sheep has adopted a rather fatalistic attitude toward
what happens next.
Jordanian Protests Against Gingivitis
This woman practices safe sex and safe smoking.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Only in America can you go into a shop that serves 
nothing but tantalizing hot and cold cereals. When you 
enter such an Emporium of Dawn Delights, there's nothing
 left to do except play Supertramp's Breakfast in America 
and say, "Yum, yum, eat'em up!"
Senator Robert Byrd, age 88, knows that the only thing
that can possibly stop the Vlad Tepes' of the Bush
Administration is a copy of the U. S. Constitution.
But even this remedy may someday not be sufficient.
Hugh Hefner challenges all his critics to do three
things: 1) live to be 80 years old, 2) have your
picture taken with babes with big bosoms on
each arm, and 3) die smiling with your hat on.
There's something about the word 'piehole' which makes it one
of the most obscene-sounding words in the English language.
Visually, here's what a piehole must look like.
Viagra Falls
Selling roasted chickens in the rain at the side
of a road in Cuba, the man thought: "Abide with me,
O Colonel Sanders, for I shall never reveal the
eleven secret herbs and spices!"
Scene from the Final Game of the Dust Bowl Soccer Tournament
Held in Dodge City, Kansas on April 14, 1935
Dermatologists in Argentina have yet to come up with an
explanation for a garish skin disorder which has stricken
many soccer fans.
What you are witnessing here is one of the
finalists in the World Championship of
Greyhound Air Swimming.
In the 1950s, this was called the Dirty Bop.
In 2006, it's called tennis.
Chris Martin About to Join the Choir Invisible
With the storm clouds gathering overhead, the tornado
magnets were obviously working.