Don't Buy Wrinkle Creams!

"Eradicate Islam and Marxism. A direct statement of

what's needed." Thus saith SOFA, the Masked Avenger.

Before guns were invented, lives were lost.

After guns were invented, lives were saved.

What can be said, except:

Thank God for guns!

Have you ever considered how little money
it takes to keep a hedgehog happy?

"Do you smell that? It's petroleum, son. Nothing

else in the world smells like that. I love the smell

of petroleum in the morning!"

'Junk Shot' Method to Cap Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Involves

Pumping Odds and Ends--like Rubik's Cubes, Hangman's

Rope, McCain/Palin 2008 Buttons, even the Balls of BP

Executives--into the Blowout Preventer

"And not only that, Your Highness,

I did it all by myself!"

"Despite what Sarah says, dear, Mama Grizzlies

have nothing on you!"

"I've been sick."

You shouldn't be so hard on Laura

Ingraham. If your head was as full

of dead weight as her's, would you

be able to hold it up straight?

"Just between you and me, Senator, BP doesn't have

any earthly idea of how to stop the Gulf of Mexico

oil spill. We've opened Pandora's Jar of Evils, so to

speak, and if you know your Greek mythology, once

it's opened, it can't be closed."

The only thing scarier than 'Radical Islam' is

Congressman Lamar Smith's 'Hair System'.

"It was while I was coordinator for counternarcotics

and justice reform in Afghanistan toward the end of

the Bush Administration that the thought occurred

to me: there needs to be more rhyming in political

campaigns. So, in my race for state auditor in

Missouri, I've been doing it. Take this, for instance:

'Bailouts and debt,
They got me feelin' dissed,
Sellin' out my son,
To Chinese Communists.'

It hits you like a blow to the solar plexus, doesn't it?"

Talladega Bigot Busted for Publicly Disguising a

Bud Light Can in a Corona Extra Koozie

"Andy over!"

"There aren't enough Catholics on the Supreme Court. Sure,

there are six right now, but there should be at least twelve."

Implacable Conservatives Vow to Put Classic Recipe Heinz

Ketchup on the New 'Pussified' Reduced-Sodium Version

"Shrooms are goooood for you!"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #163

Bob Wright

Southern Arizona Man Pleads Guilty in Jaguar's Death

"I hear John McCain's a POA."

"Yeah, a Prisoner of Arizona."

"You should really see me when I'm pissed.

I look even more like Jack Weston!"

Warm Scuzzies #81

Transocean Offshore Drilling Company

"How much harm could I possibly do? I'm just a microsurd

in the Intergalactic Plantetary Dimension."

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #162

Tom Horne

You can bet that future support for offshore drilling will

vary inversely with the distance from the Gulf of Mexico.

World's Worst Yoobs #71

Karen Hanretty

Steve King Spotted TP'ing Capitol Hill

Big Hollywood

Big Government

Big Journalism

Little Breitbart

Prahlad Jani, who says he has spent seven decades

without food or water, wonders why there isn't a

Breatharian on the U. S. Supreme Court.

Remember the Population Bomb?

Well, it's still exploding.

"$6.7 billion dollars a month poured down the drain in

Afghanistan? God, that makes me sooooo tired!"

Troll Threatens to Go Makeup-Free

King Tut-Tut and His Magical Papyri

This man is wearing his sexuality on

his tattoo sleeves. Can you tell if he

is straight, gay, bi, or celibate?

What does Kelsey Moore, Miss Texas USA, tell Louie

Gohmert about our society? “An absolute breakdown

in morality," he says. "And when you lose morality, you

get economic chaos. And when you have economic chaos,

historically, people have always been willing to give up

liberty. And that’s what we’re seeing.” [Among other things.]

Brad Goehring: It Takes More Than a Name

to Make You Generalfeldmarschall

Senator Kit Bond (R-MO) Pioneers New Technique

Which Allows the Mind to Absorb Intelligence

Briefings While the Body Is Sleeping

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #113

World's Worst Jobs #110

Siberian Coal Miner

If, as Mike Allen recently claimed, politics has become

indistinguishable from the entertainment business, what

does that make him? A Black-and-White Wimple in a

Technicolor Wimple World.

Baboon Yawns, Inhales Entire Universe

A spectre is haunting Specter,

and its name is Joe Sestak.

"Guns or butter? Sounds like a false

dichotomy to me. Guns or butterflies?

Now there's a real dichotomy!"

Ten percent of Americans believe environmentalists

intentionally sabotaged the oil rig Deepwater Horizon

off the Gulf Coast. Another 22% are unsure. That's almost

one-third of our fellow Americans who, at some point

in their lives, have obviously been abducted by extra-

terrestrials and had their brains sucked out through

bendable straws.

"Six Catholics and no Protestants on the U. S.

Supreme Court, eh? Hey, Martin Luther,

how do you like them apples?"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #161

David Codrea

Remember Dean Allen? Well, he's still hugging

his AK-47 as a candidate for Adjutant General

of the South Carolina National Guard.

Rightbloggers and Other

Internet Biohazards #47

No Sheeples Here

Ted Haggard Incorporates New Church

to Be Called 'St. James Infirmary'