Saturday, May 15, 2010

Don't Buy Wrinkle Creams!
"Eradicate Islam and Marxism. A direct statement of
what's needed." Thus saith SOFA, the Masked Avenger.
Before guns were invented, lives were lost.
After guns were invented, lives were saved.
What can be said, except:
Thank God for guns!
Have you ever considered how little money
it takes to keep a hedgehog happy?
"Do you smell that? It's petroleum, son. Nothing
else in the world smells like that. I love the smell
of petroleum in the morning!"
'Junk Shot' Method to Cap Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Involves
Pumping Odds and Ends--like Rubik's Cubes, Hangman's
Rope, McCain/Palin 2008 Buttons, even the Balls of BP
Executives--into the Blowout Preventer
"And not only that, Your Highness,
I did it all by myself!"
"Despite what Sarah says, dear, Mama Grizzlies
have nothing on you!"
"I've been sick."
You shouldn't be so hard on Laura
Ingraham. If your head was as full
of dead weight as her's, would you
be able to hold it up straight?
"Just between you and me, Senator, BP doesn't have
any earthly idea of how to stop the Gulf of Mexico
oil spill. We've opened Pandora's Jar of Evils, so to
speak, and if you know your Greek mythology, once
it's opened, it can't be closed."
The only thing scarier than 'Radical Islam' is
Congressman Lamar Smith's 'Hair System'.
"It was while I was coordinator for counternarcotics
and justice reform in Afghanistan toward the end of
the Bush Administration that the thought occurred
to me: there needs to be more rhyming in political
campaigns. So, in my race for state auditor in
Missouri, I've been doing it. Take this, for instance:

'Bailouts and debt,
They got me feelin' dissed,
Sellin' out my son,
To Chinese Communists.'

It hits you like a blow to the solar plexus, doesn't it?"

Talladega Bigot Busted for Publicly Disguising a
Bud Light Can in a Corona Extra Koozie
"Andy over!"
"There aren't enough Catholics on the Supreme Court. Sure,
there are six right now, but there should be at least twelve."
Implacable Conservatives Vow to Put Classic Recipe Heinz
Ketchup on the New 'Pussified' Reduced-Sodium Version
"Shrooms are goooood for you!"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #163
Bob Wright
Southern Arizona Man Pleads Guilty in Jaguar's Death
"I hear John McCain's a POA."
"Yeah, a Prisoner of Arizona."

Friday, May 14, 2010

"You should really see me when I'm pissed.
I look even more like Jack Weston!"
Warm Scuzzies #81
Transocean Offshore Drilling Company
"How much harm could I possibly do? I'm just a microsurd
in the Intergalactic Plantetary Dimension."
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #162
Tom Horne
You can bet that future support for offshore drilling will
vary inversely with the distance from the Gulf of Mexico.
World's Worst Yoobs #71
Karen Hanretty

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Steve King Spotted TP'ing Capitol Hill
Big Hollywood
Big Government
Big Journalism
Little Breitbart
Prahlad Jani, who says he has spent seven decades
without food or water, wonders why there isn't a
Breatharian on the U. S. Supreme Court.
Remember the Population Bomb?
Well, it's still exploding.
"$6.7 billion dollars a month poured down the drain in
Afghanistan? God, that makes me sooooo tired!"
Troll Threatens to Go Makeup-Free
King Tut-Tut and His Magical Papyri
This man is wearing his sexuality on
his tattoo sleeves. Can you tell if he
is straight, gay, bi, or celibate?
What does Kelsey Moore, Miss Texas USA, tell Louie
Gohmert about our society? “An absolute breakdown
in morality," he says. "And when you lose morality, you
get economic chaos. And when you have economic chaos,
historically, people have always been willing to give up
liberty. And that’s what we’re seeing.” [Among other things.]
Brad Goehring: It Takes More Than a Name
to Make You Generalfeldmarschall
Senator Kit Bond (R-MO) Pioneers New Technique
Which Allows the Mind to Absorb Intelligence
Briefings While the Body Is Sleeping

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #113
World's Worst Jobs #110
Siberian Coal Miner
If, as Mike Allen recently claimed, politics has become
indistinguishable from the entertainment business, what
does that make him? A Black-and-White Wimple in a
Technicolor Wimple World.
Baboon Yawns, Inhales Entire Universe
A spectre is haunting Specter,
and its name is Joe Sestak.
"Guns or butter? Sounds like a false
dichotomy to me. Guns or butterflies?
Now there's a real dichotomy!"
Ten percent of Americans believe environmentalists
intentionally sabotaged the oil rig Deepwater Horizon
off the Gulf Coast. Another 22% are unsure. That's almost
one-third of our fellow Americans who, at some point
in their lives, have obviously been abducted by extra-
terrestrials and had their brains sucked out through
bendable straws.
"Six Catholics and no Protestants on the U. S.
Supreme Court, eh? Hey, Martin Luther,
how do you like them apples?"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #161
David Codrea
Remember Dean Allen? Well, he's still hugging
his AK-47 as a candidate for Adjutant General
of the South Carolina National Guard.
Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #47
No Sheeples Here
Ted Haggard Incorporates New Church
to Be Called 'St. James Infirmary'