Saturday, April 18, 2015

He was born 'Harold Watson Gowdy III'.  As
chair of the House Select Committee on
Benghazi, he is known as 'Trey Gowdy'.  
Because he lacks the authority to subpoena 
Hillary Clinton's email server, he is
known to the world as 'Zippy Ben-Gowdy'.
What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #17
An Erectile Optogenetic Stimulator
McCain was fantasizing about punching Obama in the
face, Graham was wondering if McCain was cheating
on him again, and Cruz was hacked he had left his
 teeth soaking in a glass with Polident® Fresh Active 

Friday, April 17, 2015

Jeb Bush to Star as Billy the Kid in Remake of 
The Left Handed Gun
"What's wrong with the kid?"
"I'm not certain, but I think he heard someone say,
'Rick Santorum'."
"Remember, Maury: if the customer wants a green suit, 
turn on the GREEN light.  But if he can't 'get it up', turn 
on the BLUE light."
Warm Scuzzies #548
Britt McHenry
New White House Fence Said to Have Been Modeled After
the Walls of Jericho

Thursday, April 16, 2015

"Careful with that nose, Ted!  It's a deadly weapon!"
Archaeologists may have found the world's first tools, 
and it appears they are the ancestors of these guys.
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #109
The Passion of the Lapin: a Mel Gibson Love Story
Two-Minute Haters #48
Brian Klawiter
"You might be able to run better, Jeb, if you had a 
'Me' replacement."
Brownback Mountain
[AKA 'Kansas Alps']
Supervisors at the Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office were 
ordered to falsify a reserve deputy’s records, giving him
 credit for field training he never took and for owning the 
Bates Motel.
Hey, David Brooks has a new book!
Just to be on the safe side, David Brooks has darkened his 
complexion and changed his surname to Del Rio.
Work on Marco Rubio National Monument
Nearing Completion
Governor Brownback to Sign Law Banning Welfare
 Recipients from Sailing on Kansas Cruise Ships
Pilot of Gyrocopter That Landed on Capitol Hill Identified

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Tennessee House Votes to Make the Bible 
the Official State Book and Mad the 
Official State Magazine
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #624
David Berzins
Gyro Gearloose Taken into Custody After Landing
 on Capitol Hill Lawn
"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie said Wednesday that a 
nuclear Iran would pose the biggest foreign policy threat
 to the United States."  As Dubya would say in response, 
"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, 
probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - 
shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."
Jindal, Robertson, and Perry, Goombahs-at-Large
Bullet Fired by Georgia Man Ricochets Off Armadillo
and Strikes Mother-in-Law, Thus Proving God Has
a Sense of Humor
It was to be the last 'fat joke' he ever told.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

"And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; 
but the greatest of these is love."
Out of the slammer, Dinesh D'Souza has launched a new 
career as Dinesh D'Gangsta.
The only thing standing between Idaho and Sharia law
is Sheryl Nuxoll of Cottonwood (pop. 900), home of

Dog Bark Park.
Where Pay-to-Play Police Reservists Shop
Reagan Zombie Sez:  "Whaddya mean when you say,
 'Yesterday is over, and we are never going back'?
That's what you think, Water Boy!"
Only Marco Rubio would be fourteen years late in 
recognizing the century which began on January 1,
Marco Rubio: a Man 'Uniquely Qualified' to Be President
Ideal Footwear for Standing with Rand at Waffle House

Monday, April 13, 2015

Say 'War!' and Senator Tom Cotton bares his teeth, 
flares his nostrils, and looks hungrily about for 
something to devour.
Warm Scuzzies #547
Stanley Glanz
Demographically-Symbolic Caricature on the Prowl
for Evil on Capitol Hill
Warm Scuzzies #546
Robert Bates
Greedheads Galore #40
Robert Mercer
Bill Kristol Sez:  “If they get to nominate Hillary Clinton, 
why don’t we get to nominate Dick Cheney?”
[Just what America needs: a good rectal feeding!]
If Dick Cheney Were Mr. Potato Head
Is Tom Cotton Mr. Peppermint for the next generation?
There's a new comedy show on cable and, boy oh boy,
it's a gutbuster!
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #623
Dave Grossman

Sunday, April 12, 2015

"All I did was make a fist and Wayne LaPierre wet himself,
right there on the NRA convention floor."