Saturday, March 10, 2012

"Where did that come from?"
"Big Labor."
Speaker Boehner Sez:   "We got 435 members. It's just a 
slice of America, it really is. We got some of the smartest 
people in the country who serve here, and some of the 
dumbest. We got some of the best people you'd ever
 meet, and some of the raunchiest. We've got 'em all."
"Raven hair and ruby lips 
sparks fly from her finger tips 
Echoed voices in the night 
she's a restless spirit on an endless flight 
wooo hooo Twitchy woman, see how 
high she flies 
woo hoo Twitchy woman she got 
the moon in her eye." 
"It's your move."
"Damn you, I'm Lex Luthor, not Joe the Plumber!"
Like the eponymous movie now in theaters, Representative
 John Carter (R-TX) is 'bloated but fun'.
"If you really want to know why going to college is
a bad idea, just look at what it did to me!"
World's Worst Yobs #243
Joe Bastardi

Friday, March 09, 2012

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, 
you feel no pain.” 
Mitt Romney Sez:  “I am learning to say 'y’all' and I like 
grits, and things.  Strange things are happening to me.”
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #369
Steven Landsburg
Welcome to the Beck-Murdoch-Limbaugh Air Show!
World's Worst Yoobs #115
Inga Barks
"What's that?"
"It's what was left after the Obama Administration
vaporized the Constitution's Due Process Clause."
Warm Scuzzies #268
Ken Ard
Little Known Fact #26
If you have enough empty Erektus Energy 
Drink cans, you can build a scale model 
of the Eiffel Tower.

Thursday, March 08, 2012

Rush Limbaugh (/rʌʃ/ L IH M b aw ), n. 1. a 30-foot-long gut with
 a mouth that talks at one end and an anus that excretes 
Dittoheads on the other.
Asked to define Karl Rove, one man on the street replied, 
an appalling breach of decorum who doesn't mean snot!"
"Oh, how I love to hear someone say, 'Governor 
Scott, you remind me so much of Swamp Thing!'"
Rick Santorum held in his right hand what the plutocrats had 
used for years to create and maintain their hold on power:
the 'Wedgie Issue'.
Is it a prerequisite for public office that every 
politician in the land has to demonstrate how
 to give head?  Or is it just another Facebook
 fad, like 'Frog Face'?  
"Can you imagine a conspiracy more sinister than Barack 
Obama and Derrick Bell hugging in 1991?"
"Of course I can!  Have you already forgotten the con-
spiracy to fluoridate America's water supply back
in the 1950s?"  
"As the junior senator from Utah, I can tell you that all the 
so-called 'sex education' our children need in the Beehive
State is contained right here in the Constitution of the 
United States of America!"
It was always hardest for Governor Kasich when he was
trying to tell the difference between his ass and his elbow.
"Hi, I'm Jon Flatland, a newspaperman who lives 
in North Dakota.  I'm best known for being the 
Jeffrey Dahmer of serial plagiarists."  
"No, my son, it's only an urban legend that Superman's cape 
was what enabled him to leap tall buildings in a single bound."
At the moment of conception, Karen Garver was given the 
choice of becoming either an Egyptian rug in King Farouk's
palace or Rick Santorum's spouse. In later life, she often 
wondered if she had made the right decision.
"Some people are saying that 'Greed is a robust
 determinant of unethical behavior'.  Well, as 
my colleague, Scrooge McDuck, likes to say 
while diving into a pool of Krugerrands,
"Ethics is for losers!"
Mormon Math
What Eric Bolling Does When He Gets Lonely
Romney's Last Gaffe
Newt Gingrich's supporters are so old they are still in 
black and white.
Shhh!  Newt's dreaming of 69.
Another milestone on the road to human 
freedom was reached when 'Open Carry'
became as popular as music and bold 
bodices at the Grammy's.
Newton's Laws of Commotion #2
When a protest sign starts making you look foolish,
it's time to go home and take a nap.
Gorilla None Too Pleased to Learn 
There's Only a 1.75% Difference in 
Its DNA from a Human's
In View of the Fact That 
Breitbart Is Still Dead
"We are all lobsters now!" exclaimed Pastor Huckabee, 
as solar flares turned the oceans into steam.
"You may be wondering why I'm not wearing my Che Guevara
t-shirt today.  Well, there's a simple explanation.  Bill Ayers,
Jeremiah Wright, and I got together and decided we wanted
to pull the wool over Andrew Breitbart's eyes twenty years 
from now."
Why Dinosaurs Became Extinct
World's Worst Yoobs #114
Patricia Heaton
What Transvaginal Ultrasounds Reveal
Michael Kinsley Reportedly Suffers
from Insomnia; Says His Nights Are
 Haunted by the 'Spirit of the 
First Amendment'
Bin Laden's Last Days Plagued by Faulty Central Heating, 
Bad Cable, and Bickering Wives
As recently as this past Monday, this photograph was thought
 to be of Rush Limbaugh holding his award for being the 
Whitest Sexagenarian Rap Artist in America.  That was 
incorrect.  It is actually a photo of Rush Limbaugh holding
 a plaque commemorating the assassination of President 
Abraham Lincoln by John Wilkes Booth, presented to him
 by one of his Neo-Confederate admirers.  

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

World's Worst Yobs #242
Michael Kinsley
There are only two things wrong with Steny Hoyer:  
'Steny' and 'Hoyer'.
Why is it not surprising that Noel Biderman, CEO of 
Ashley Madison, an Internet marital infidelity service,
wants to fill all the recently-vacated advertising 
space on Rush Limbaugh's radio show?
Factoid of the Hour #18
No, that's not snow blanketing the countryside in 
Wagga Wagga, Australia.  It's spider webs.
"Wake up! Sleepy head, rub your eyes, 
get out of bed.
Wake up! Jean Schmidt, the Wicked Witch, is dead. 
She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below. 
Yo-ho, let's open up and 
sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know 
The Wicked Witch is dead!"