Saturday, August 06, 2011

Mystery Romney $1 Million Contribution Made by Bain
Capital Executive Who Doubles as Angel Moroni
Donor Funnel
The Club for Growth's Club,
It's Blunt-Force Weapon
Pastor John Hagee Compares Rick Perry to
Abraham Lincoln at Houston Prayergasm;
Crowd Boos, Then Chants "Jeff Davis,
Jeff Davis, Jeff Davis!"
According to a British researcher, monkeys have created their
own language signs. This Mandrill, for instance, is using the
sign that means "Say 'Blame Game' one more time and
I'll crush your nuts!"
World's Worst Jobs #121
Indian Brick Miner
Have you noticed that the 'Fox' in The Fox Nation
banner is 100% white? 
Brian Moynihan, CEO of Bank of America,
reportedly has a whole closet full of BOA
Red Ink neckties.
World's Worst Yobs #224
Brian Garst
Rick Santorum Sez: "If 'pursuit of happiness'
means 'pursuit of pleasure,' we won't be a
country very long and sideburns are doomed."
"Frankly, Mr. President, I pray for you every day.
I pray for your wisdom, I pray that God will open
 your eyes. I pray that you will turn back the health
care law that's been passed and ask that your EPA
 back down these regulations that are causing
businesses to hesitate to spend money."

"What a coincidence, Governor Perry!  I
pray for you every day, too.  And, you
know what?  God tells me your prayers
are much funnier than Jerry Falwell's,
before he died and went to Glory."
In June, 2007, the Texas unemployment rate was 4.3%.
In June, 2011, the Texas unemployment rate was 8.2%.
What clearer sign could God give that the Right
Reverend Rick Perry has been chosen to lead
America into the Promised Land of Full
Employment and Prosperity.
Little Known Fact #14
William Shakespeare made an 'F' in
'Rick Perry'.
When was the last time you 'kicked a can down the road'?
Not lately? Maybe never? Even if you happen to come
upon a can on the road these days, you wouldn't kick it;
instead, you would most likely pick it up and recycle it.
Nonetheless, this old expression is frequently used these
days by those who bloviate endlessly about America's
national debt. Would it be too much to ask these folks
 to at least devise a more relevant figure of speech?
Remember:  today, August 6, is the
Day of Feasting and Merrymaking.
Act accordingly.
Standard & Poor's to Congress:  "If you want the U. S.'s
AAA credit rating back, raise revenues.  It's as simple
as it is."
"Governor Perry, it's been reported that you made a 'C'
in 'Gym' at Texas A&M.  Was that before or after you
made a 'C' in 'Animal Breeding'?"
Rick Santorum Denounces
Statue of Sexual Liberty
As Zippy the Pinhead would say,
"Nicki Minaj Nipple Slip!"
"Nicki Minaj Nipple Slip!"
"Nicki Minaj Nipple Slip!"
Carlos Slim Slimmer, Loses $8 Billion in One Week

Friday, August 05, 2011

Hippoglottamus Rush Fears Twitterverse Cannibalism
Only 8,000 RSVPs for Rick Perry's 
Prayerathon in 71,000-Seat
Reliant Stadium; Would Super
Horny Goat Weed Help to
Counteract the Flaccid
Response to 'The Response'?
Warm Scuzzies #207
Renton, Washington Police Department
As a fifth-generation Texan and the son of a
West Texas rancher, only Rick Perry could
have made a 'C' in his 'Reproduction in Farm
Animals' course at Texas A&M.
Rude Rhymes #51

Green Latrine-O

Josh Treviño
Club for Growth Proposes to Outsource Wisconsin
Recall Elections to Bangladesh

Thursday, August 04, 2011

It's true:  Terror Babies from Outer Space often
use the top of Louie Gohmert's head as a
landing strip.
"Jesus H. Christ!  Isn't there somewhere besides
the Hill of Crosses to stick this blasted thing?"

Congress's approval rating now stands at 14%.  What would
happen if it fell to 0%?  Nothing, because the Congress
doesn't represent the American people as a whole.  Both the
Senate and the House of Representatives represent
multinational corporations and the very richest Americans. 
Look at it this way:  86% of the members of Congress
 approve of the way they are grinding you---middle-
and lower-class Americans---into the dust.  It's
called 'Democracy in America'.
Julius Nyrere, the first President of Tanzania, said it
best:  "The United States is a one-party state.  But
with typical American extravagance, they have
two of them."
The Unexpurgated Bible #59
In the beginning, God said, "Let's do this!" 
And then the Bassnectar show began.
Recently-Discovered Fossil Indicates Ancient Rightbloggers
Resembled Jesus on the Cross and Were Covered
in Cheetos Fur
"Hold on a minute!  John Cornyn and I were not elected to
the U. S. Senate simply because we have strong chins.
Other parts of our anatomy are excellent as well."
Oysterhead and Monsieur Frothy

"Haven't you ever seen a Ten-Gallon
Muff-Diver Hat before, soldier?"
There is a price to be paid for instinctive, habitual teabagging.
Just look at Senator Jeff Sessions' face.
Fears Grip Market, Dow Falls Over 500 Points
President Obama to Go On Three-Day Midwest Tour,
Listening to the Unemployed Shout, "To Hell with Jobs!
 We Demand More Austerity!"
When even Donald Trump says the United States is being
run by incompetent people, you know the Decline and Fall
of the American Empire is just over the horizon.
At Trial, Hosni Mubarak Says "I'm Not Dead Yet;"
On Cross-Examination, He Says, "I'm Getting Better"
Kid Rock

Kid Massif
Asked why they admire him, Piers Morgan's fans say
it's the way he holds his mouth.
Strong Catholic

Weak Catholic
When you suck corporate cock, like Governor
Terry Branstad does, you gotta have a big mouth.
"Well, I can still see my feet, so I guess I haven't put
on that much weight."
Little Know Fact #13
Did you know that the last day of the Festival
of Zappadan, December 21, coincides with
World Orgasm Day?
Oxymorons for Our Time #105
Defense Cuts
Frugal Gourment Arrested for Trying
 to Split Atoms in His Kitchen