Saturday, August 11, 2007

Revenge of the Creature
Viktor Yushchenko, President of Ukraine, is a man of ideas

and a man of action.
Mitt Romney and Other Cast Members on the Set
of The Iowa Straw Poll Massacre

Friday, August 10, 2007

Marco the Magnificent has always maintained an
unusually close relationship with his fans.
The first indication that horses no longer considered
themselves to be beasts of burden was when they
refused to jump.
Flag Desecration #2
"Why is Maysoon so mortified? Can't you see? Her perfect
modesty has been betrayed by her naked, lascivious hand."
"Holy Moses! Hercules was right. There was
a whole lot of shit in the Augean stables."

Xia was already having second thoughts about
her marriage to Bao, who no longer held the
record for being the world's tallest man.
Dennis Kucinich seemed a bit overconfident that Ron Paul
would never catch up with him in the race for last place.
"Psssst, buddy, look over here! Could I interest you in this
neo-expressionist work by Jean-Michel Basquiat? He's
dead, you know, but I'm now worth millions."
When Saint Domenico wasn't up to his ass in alligators,
he was up to his eyeballs in snakes.
How David Beckham Settled the Dispute Over Whether
He Has an 'Innie' or 'Outie' Bellybutton
When Chris Matthews says, "I don't see a big, beefy
alternative to Hillary Clinton -- a big guy. You know
what I mean? An ... every-way big guy," he has obviously
forgotten about Manny Yarbrough.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

"9/11! Vote for me. September 11, 2001! Vote for me.
WTC collapse! Vote for me. Twin Towers fall down!
Vote for me. The day everything changed! Vote for me.
Extensive marriage experience! Vote for me."
"Hey, ditwads, the parade's over here!"
There's nothing quite so satisfying on a hot summer day than
cool, clear water. That's why, in the age of global warming,
the last great war will be fought over water.
There are many reasons to laugh, including
laughing at reasons.
"No, no, darling, they didn't say 'dirty bitch'.
They said 'dirty beach'. These guys are here
to clean up an oil spill, that's all."
If you've ever had a hankering to kiss a beluga whale on the
mouth, Yang Yang shows you how it's done.
Do you have any idea how many children have been left
behind since George W. Bush became President?

Here's just one.

Wrist Watch One

The Day Vladimir Putin Forgot to Wear His Elevator Shoes
Some people have yellow streaks down their backs,
some down their fronts.
What is it about cats that makes them want to
play with their food?
"Prince William, you don't say 'Rat-a-tat-tat' when
you're playing hand drums."

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

It's not that Barry Bonds may have used steroids.
It's that hitting home runs--even 756--is not
such a big deal anymore.
An essential ingredient of all tasteful and discriminating
South Korean protests is a timely application of
Arrid Extra Dry Spray.
Glenn Murphy, recently elected Chair of the Young Perv National
Federation, has been forced to resign his position for 'business reasons'.
Things to Avoid #4
Underwater Tigers
"Did you see that my approval rating jumped from 29% to
34% according to the latest Gallup Poll? I must have regained
the support of the Nervous Nellie wing of my conservative base."
Flappers Show Up for Dance Contest 80 Years Too Late
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #2
Dawn of the Deadly Deck Chairs
Veepenstein #17
The Baron's Executive Washroom (with Attendant)

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Drudge Report Funnies #11
"'Jail Me So I Can Quit Smoking', Says Iowa Woman..."
Modeling lingerie is sheer drudgery,
but somebody has to do it.

His father famously described the Internet as "a series
of tubes." So, it's not surprising that Ben Stevens wears
a Looney Tunes tie.
Automobiles are only 'Subtotaled' in the United States.
In Iraq, they are 'Grand Totaled'.
Just Deserts #1
Kyle Sampson, former chief of staff for Alberto Gonzales,
will spend eternity sitting alone in an empty hearing room.
Byron York to Wed
Dutch Cleanser Girl

Monday, August 06, 2007

Fearguth Turns 5,000
"Gee whillikers, it seems like only yesterday when
he uploaded his first post. Now he's up to 5,000.
Do you think Jane Goodall will ever give him the
recognition he deserves?"
Jesus Takes Wrong Turn, Runs into
Dead End on the Via Desperatio
Woman Goes All the Way with New
'Total Obscurity' Burqa
"More teeth! I demand more teeth!"
The strongest reason Mitt Romney has offered to date in
support of his bid for President is that he is a Mormon.
Hanging in the 'Hood, American-Style

Hanging in the 'Hood, Iranian-Style