Saturday, February 09, 2008

"So, when Ms. Coulter asked you to remove your protective
suit and get comfortable, you did tell her you weren't the
real Jonah Goldberg, didn't you?"
This old Gambian woman claims she--and she alone--possesses
the skeleton key to unlock the inner secrets of the Myth of
Ronald Reagan, the Ancient of Republican Heydays.
Authorized Photo of Dick Cheney Addressing CPAC

Unauthorized Photo

So long as there is a little boy doing backflips in a garbage dump,
there's hope for the human race.
As February 14 approaches, Valentine's Day forecasters
are predicting a record Libidopalooza, which may well
top last year's World Orgasm Day.
World stock markets lost $5.2 trillion in January, Standard
& Poor's said Saturday. If, like this dude, you own a pair of
glasses equipped with Value Decreation Lenses, you will be able
to see where all that money went. Otherwise, you won't.
Recently-Declassified Photograph #6
Book Found on Nightstand by Dick Cheney's King-Size Bed
As children, some of us played the game of tongue-lips.
George Bush still does.
"President Bush's stock is at an all-time low, that's true,
but don't sell just yet. I think it may go even lower."
Spermatozoa Under Ultra-High Magnification
"Believe me, if I had an opening for a walrus in my
government, you would be at the top of my list."
Afghanistan National Policeman Using Toy AK-47
to Arrest Play-Doh Talib

Friday, February 08, 2008

Yielding to popular demand, Pizza Hut has finally
introduced a new 100% Cheese Pizza.
MSNBC's David Shuster Suspended for His Irresponsible and
Inappropriate Plagiarizing of Tucker Carlson's Impersonation
of Chris Matthew's Gynophobic Logorrhea
A Moroccan soldier will tell you that if you take away his
hat and epaulettes, there's not much left.

"On your right, children, is a member of the al-Aqsa Mortar
Brigade. It has come to us all the way from Palestine."
When he heard his son say today that Dick Cheney is "the
greatest Vice President in history," George H. W. Bush, who
served two terms as Ronald Reagan's Vice President, indicated
he had had it up to here with Dubya.
"It's Slinky! It's Slinky!
For fun it's a wonderful toy!
It's Slinky! It's Slinky!
It's fun for a girl and a boy!"
Julie Myers, ICE Queen, Standing Next to Winner of
'Most Redacted Face' Halloween Contest
World's Worst Jobs #73
Indonesian River Recycler
Nuclear Warhead

Conventional Warhead

"In the Hundred Years' War, young man, I regret that you
have but one life to give for our country."

Thursday, February 07, 2008

For the sake of his party, his country, his planet, his solar system, and
his galaxy, Mitt Romney has suspended his presidential campaign.
Amanda Lepore Introduces New Line of Patriotic Transgender
Apparel for the 2008 Republican National Convention
House Judiciary Committee Successfully Removes Attorney
General's Mask, Says "You're One Ugly Motherfucker!"
"You can call it 'Koran', 'Quran', or 'Qu'ran', Mr. President.
Just don't call it 'Nucular Family Bible'."
"Age before beauty, you mangy cur!"
"All they needed to prepare my budget for 2008 was
an Etch a Sketch. Republican technology is pretty
amazing, isn't it?"
Romney Transcontinental Express
Temporarily Suspends Operation

"Tagg told me if I wasted any more of his inheritance on
my presidential campaign, he was going to commit
patricide and become a member of the Church of
the SubGenius."
The age-old conundrum, 'Which came first, the chicken
 or the egg?', has been solved. It was a tie.
Beware: government eavesdroppers are everywhere.

Doctors Warn of the Dangers Posed by Hillbilly Heroine

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

"I do hope that at some point we would just calm down a little bit."
From his rathole somewhere in the Cox Radio
Syndicate, Neal Boortz had this to say the other day
about the city of New Orleans and the victims of
Hurricane Katrina: "Cries of the downtrodden,
my left butt cheek. That wasn't the cries of the downtrodden;
that's the cries of the useless, the worthless. New Orleans was
a welfare city, a city of parasites, a city of people who could
not and had no desire to fend for themselves. You have a
hurricane descending on them and they sit on their fat
asses and wait for somebody else to come rescue them."
Whew! This rodent needs some more cheese, don't you think?
Patriots Defeated in SuperBowl, Lose Big Heads
Wildlife Tip #6
Don't feed the hand that bites you.
"Pat Buchanan says I will make Dick Cheney look like Gandhi.
If that's so, my wife Cindy will make Lynne Cheney look like

Mother Angelica."
Little Men, Big Hats

You simply can't imagine how much he hated The Doors.
Ukrainian Democracy at Work

Aye Aye Survives SuperTuesday, But Barely

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

"Goodness yes, Senator! After we waterboarded the shit
out of those tewwibble tewwowists, we had no choice
but to start towtuwing them."

"That's understandable, General Hayden. But would
you please tell this Committee when you first became
enamored with Elmer Fudd and developed your
widiculous wisp?"
Xiao Qiang, the whale, would have told Yang Yang, the boy,
to vote for Barack Obama, the candidate. But the whale
couldn't speak, the boy was too young to vote, and
the candidate couldn't hold his breath that long.
During his second childhood, John McCain is hoping to be an
even bigger bully than he was in his first. "I'll be kicking the asses
of all the Mama's boys I missed the first time around," he says.
On even-numbered days, Senator McCain thought he
 was Captain Ahab. On odd-numbered days, he thought
 he was Moby Dick. When the two eventually collided, 
not even Ishmael lived to tell the tale.
Once again, it was murder on the SuperTuesday Express.