Saturday, December 18, 2010

All that remains for Senator Jim DeMint to complete his
metamorphosis into the Second Coming of Strom Thurmond
 is to father a love child on a black handmaiden. 
Be patient.
Jim's still young.
If you've been a REALLY bad boy this year, Santa may decide
 to pass over the lump of coal and put Megan Erhardt in your
Christmas stocking instead.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Willi, but, if I understand
what you're saying, you wore the beard and the hat
 so that moviegoers couldn't tell the difference
between you, a stunt muff diver, and, say, John
Wayne or the Cisco Kid."
"That's correct, my disguise was so recondite
movie audiences never could tell the difference."
Woo-Hoo Personals #7
Chicago Bear Desires to Hibernate
 This Winter with a Mama Grizzly
Sunny Days, Dark Knights
After the Afro was anglicized, it very quickly 
fell out of fashion.
"Sorry, kiddos, Bong Shapes are not included!"
Munchkin Denies 'Bogarting' Pizza Burger
Lady Gaga Celebrating the Repeal
of Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Toothless Smilodon Reportedly Skulking
Toward La Brea Tar Pits
Don't ask and Joe Manchin won't tell that he
skipped the votes on DADT today so that he
could attend a holiday party and join in the
singing of 'Hail West Virginia!'
 "Did someone just say that Halliburton paid the Nigerian
government a $250 million bribe to drop bribery charges
against me?"
"Yes, it was Dr. Zaius, the thinking-man's ape."
"That's one mighty smart monkey!"
Larry King Ends 25-Year Run on CNN,
Begins State of Suspendered Animation
Roofer Madness
Novice Buddhist Passing Martin Milner and George Maharis
Riding in an Invisible 1960 Powder Blue Corvette on Route
666 Five Miles South of Nirvana, Arizona
"Help! Help! I'm being tracked by my apps!"

Friday, December 17, 2010

New research from the University of Maryland shows that
Fox News' policy of 'Keep Them Barefoot and Ignorant'
is working.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #251
Humberto Fontova
Mr. Fish Accused of Using 'Enhanced Paronomasia Techniques'
"And that's when I told him that the 'DC Elites' were just a
figment of his plebeian imagination!"
Looking for a quick and easy way to join The Most Noble
Order of the Garter?  Here's how!
"Don't miss out on the rare opportunity to see these two
men live on stage. It's an event that makes Wrestlemania
seem like The Marx Brothers' A Night at the Opera. You'll
hear from Bill, you'll hear from Glenn, and then...they'll take
 the stage together. What happens then? Heaven only knows,
 but one thing is for sure—you'll want to see it with your
very own eyes."
World's Worst Yobs #202
Jordan Sekulow
Charlie Wilson's Gun
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #43
Silent Night, Deadly Night 2: the Refrigeration of the Magi
What was at first thought to be the expression of a guilty
conscience on the President's face has now been explained
as merely the look of a sour stomach resulting from 
one-too-many Yuletide toasts.
Berms, which cost $220 million and captured .02% of the BP
oil spill, are known in Louisiana as 'Sand Jindals'.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #79
Sweetness & Light
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #125
Said the cyborg, "Humans?  Who needs them?"
"Hey, my name's not 'Burberry'!" he shouted.
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #42
The Lamestreaming of Sister Sarah
Name That Thune Musical Quiz Show Debuts on Radio
Station WKXL in New Hampshire
Dancing with the Unemployed Becomes the Longest-Running
Reality Show in the History of American Television
Chairman and founder Reid Hoffman is not
so much 'linked in' as he is 'vegged out'.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

If you want to know just how 'hot' Silvio
Berlusconi is, ask Vladimir Putin.
"As the Sturgeon-General of the United States, it saddens
me to report that a new study shows that people who make
a habit of wearing military uniforms have a shorter life
expectancy than those who don't."
Walrus Eating Goo Goo G'Joob
"I don't know about you, Spencer, but I need more blood!"
"Great news, my children!  The Senate has just passed the
tax cut plan by a wide margin!"
Allegories for Our Time #17
Afghani Licking an American Sucker
Klansman Pays Price for Discriminating Against
 Weather Forecast Made by Negro Meteorologist
"As far as my pets go," Rupert reflected after
a light lunch, "Sean Hannity has to be one of
my favorites."
Sean Hannity Sez:  "Thank God Rupert
Murdoch created a job for me!"
Puffington Host #2
Senate Democrats To Make Dramatic Push
For Filibuster Reform"
Pilot (Believed to Be the Last of the Wrong Brothers)
Survives Near Collision with Earth; Plane Doesn't
Radical Logicians Demonstrating Their
 Support for the Law of Identity
American Empire #52
Dictatorship of the Imbeciliat
May his untimely demise be
an admonition to us all.
Encouraged by the formation of a new political
party for disaffected centrists, moderates, and

America's apolitical majority has decided to form
a party of its own.