Saturday, January 16, 2010

"My sphere of influence is bigger than yours,
nyah, nyah, nyah!"
FBI Releases 'Aged' Robert Byrd Pics
"The rumor that I'm actually Uncle Fester has
been greatly exaggerated."
The Harold Ford Taurus
If you meet a pair of Buddha pears
on the road, eat them.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Suddenly, he realized it was too late to return
to his mother's womb.
"From where I sit, kind sir, you look exceedingly
fictitious, on the order of, say, Lemuel Gulliver."
When women lift weights, do you think
looking ugly is a help or a hindrance?
Two Republican Senators Playing
'Race to the Bottom of the Stack'
When all seemed to be lost, you could
always rely on the Turkish navy.
For Off-Road Use Only
Gravity is the remorseless enemy of the faces of
septuagenarian Senators.
"When I watched The Dukes of Hazzard as a kid,
I always dreamed I'd grow up to be Boss Hogg's
financial adviser."
"Elect me Senator, ladies, and I'll move my hand!"
The U. S. government is sending $100 million in aid to
earthquake-stricken Haiti. Sounds generous until you
realize that's what the U. S. government spends in one
day on the Afghanistan War.
Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #2
Imagine a septic tank with its own radio show.
That would be Mr. EIB, Rush Limbaugh.
If 46 is the new 40, is 86 the new 80?
Jeff and Ami Steele are from South Carolina, are
newlyweds, and are Dittoheads. True or false?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

You got to dance with them what brung you.
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #41
Jessica Cantelon and Amanda Carpenter
It was another tempest-tossed day on
the Sea of Humanity.
World's Worst Yoobs #64
Veronique de Rugy
"Now that you mention it, Jim Bob has been acting
a bit more paranoid lately."

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #1
Imagine a politician wholly constituted of hazardous
wastes from the tips of his toes to the ends of his fingers.
That would be Rick Perry, Governor of Texas.
Devil Swears Pact with Pat Robertson; Ninth Circle
of Hell Mysteriously Devastated by Earthquake
Registering 7.0 on the Richter Scale
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #27
Invasion of the Booty Snatcher
"You're right, John. If I had just cheated on my wife,
carried on an affair with the wife of a close friend, and
had my parents shell out almost $100,000 in hush
money, I would have suffered a hell of a lot less than
I have for saying, 'Negro'."
DINO's Revenge, or
The Carpetbagger Strikes Back
"Why is everybody always pickin' on me?
Do I look like Charlie Brown, or what?"
Wall Street Strangler Demonstrates How He
Throttles American Taxpayers
General McChrystal Outlines the U. S. Military's
New 'Paddleball Strategy' in the Afghanistan War
Nobel Prize Winner in Virtual Service Tray Balancing
Lawn Implement Noted for 'Edgy' Performance

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

What a surprise it was when mankind discovered that
God wasn't an old man with a beard sitting on a
throne, but was, instead, a six-month-old baby
with a dirty diaper and unresolved infantile
sexuality issues.
Ponzi Schemer Scott Rothstein Racks Up 20,920,701 Rewards
Points on His American Express Card, Says He Will Use Them
to Purchase a Snazzy New Prison Wardrobe
This photograph has been adduced as evidence to prove
that the camera was actually invented in the Middle Ages,
not in the 19th century, as long believed.
“FUCK YOU! FUCK, FUCK, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!”

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #101
Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #29
Rubberface, the Israeli Meat Puppet
Still Life with the King of Spain and Three Doughy Pantloads
Cursive Writing May Be Fading Skill
Unemployed Queued Up for Shovel-Ready Jobs

Monday, January 11, 2010

"I just love Cabbage Patch Kids, but they really gum
up my teeth. Would you happen to have a toothpick
on you, buddy?"
Little Known Fact #6
Right before your head explodes, your
eyes will pop out of their sockets.
Yep, Another Goddam Victim of
"Careful with those calipers, Eugene!"
Fatten them with bonuses and then . . .
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #119
Gresham Barrett