Saturday, August 26, 2006

George the Forty-Third and George the Forty-First Sending You
Their Best Wishes from Castle Kennebunkport
"Soldier, stop acting like a bullfrog on a trampoline
and get back in line!"
Minnie Mouse Consoling Pluto After His Demotion
The medical student wanted to say, "No," but couldn't.
"Great Scott, it's true! Karl Rove really IS
Buddha's Brain."
Johannes Rose is credited with having introduced the
'couch potato' style of base jumping.
Pitchman Getting Ready to Appear on The Knife Show
Alex Rodiguez demonstrates his unorthodox
batting technique.
"Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home."

Friday, August 25, 2006

Q: When you are fish-slapped,
what does it mean?
A: It means you're in a Monty Python sketch and are
too young to remember.
From the Pacific Northwest, we hear that Gerard Van der Leun
has launched another rocket
into the blogosphere. Initial
reports say it flew up
his own fundament and blew the Seattle
into more plebeian parts than could be counted.
This is a typical middle-income house in Togoland.
Architecturally speaking, it is a blend of styles:
New Mexican pueblo, African termite mound, and
Hobbit house. Right now, its owner is losing sleep,
worried that the real-estate bubble may finally be
getting ready to bust.
During the current heat wave in Dallas, pigeons have
have been able to survive, thanks to a generous donation
of cool water from the Rock Dove Conservancy.
Now that we know President Bush is fond of flatulence,
here's a photograph of his favorite comfort food:
Beanie Weenies on a Bun.
Neldys Truffir was undaunted, but Amanda Ortiz was terrified
at the sight of the Yellow Orb from the Natatorium.
The man from Shanghai didn't notice the sign above the
door, which read, 'Welcome to Dante's Inferno. Please
abandon all hope as you enter and get ready to really
get down'.
Upper Caste Medical Students Protesting Against
Indian Proposal Benefiting Lower Caste Medical
Students in World's Largest Democracy
Space tourist Anousheh Ansari couldn't
believe how thorough the security check
was. She wondered if it had anything to do
with the fact she was an Iranian-American.
When the little boy was told to carry a black chicken
around the church three times, he didn't complain.
But when his Mom tried to bathe him in the cold
water of the Atlantic, he let it be known far and wide
that San Bartolomeu Day sucks.
Woman Complains Her Apartment
Building Hyperventilates

Thursday, August 24, 2006

“As you remember, Rockey, I was down there at the
end of the road in Plaquemines Parish when the storm hit.
Katrina blew me all the way back to Crawford. Wow! That
was the best blow job I've ever had!”
"The United States v. The World:
Don't miss the next Oil Wrestling
Deathmatch on DirecTV Pay-Per-View!"
An illegal immigrant in the Democratic Republic of the Congo
betrayed his country of origin today when he put on a
Joseph Kabila mask, pointed at his head, made a corkscrew
motion with his right hand, and said, "El jefe es loco en la cabeza!"
This is a baby albino pygmy marmoset. Add
one more adjective to this monkey and you
could only see it with a magnifying glass.
Asked why he refused to accept the equivalent of
a Nobel Prize in Mathematics, Grigori Perelman
said he did it to impress Jacqueline Mackie Paisley
Passey. "She's the only person I know of," he added,
"whose egomania is more advanced than mine."
Papuan Celebrating Independence from
the Twenty-First Century
Members of Palestine's Green Party Being Weeded
Out of the Desert
Boy Trying to Drown His Tuk-Tuk in the Nile River

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Tractor pulls are very popular in Ottertail, Minnesota.
So are toad strangling, frog smushing, and gecko gibbeting.
You have no idea how big Black-Eyed Susans
grow in the Amazon rain forest.
"No, this isn't a MooLatté. My good friend, Senator
George Allen, says eating desserts like that are what
caused the South to lose the War of Northern Aggression."
After almost four years of litigation, Frank Quattrone, former
chief of technology banking for Credit Suisse First Boston, has
beaten the 'loud tie' rap and will be permitted to walk Wall
Street once again.
U. S. News reports: "He's still a funny, earthy guy who
can't get enough of fart jokes. He's also known to cut a
few for laughs." For instance, President Bush opened his
press conference last Monday morning by telling reporters,
"Pull my finger!"
In his bid for re-election as Governor of Alaska,
Frank Murkowski got only 19% of the vote in
the Republican primary. Analysts say the only
people who voted for him were members of his
extended corporate welfare family.
Still Life with Ant Lion and Pipe
Fresh from its victory over the hare, the tortoise turned
its attention to the family dog.
Bush Using Terror Weapon on Voter
If you think Ehud Olmert looks sad now,
you should have seen him before he ate
his Happy Meal.
Mad Cow Makeup Artist at Work
After he concluded his remarks to members of the
Brazilian Air Force, Geraldo Alckmin flapped his
wings and flew on to his next appointment.
Pakistani Police Apprehend Fugitives from
René Magritte's The Lovers
"Maria Sharapova Loves Me,"
Signed: Maria Sharapova

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Pressure Mounts to Censure President Bush
for Giving America the Wrong Finger
Karl Rove, Rescue Ranger
Our Colonel Blimp
"If we withdraw our troops before we complete our mission,
all those Iraqi terrorists are gonna swim across the ocean
and blow you up!"
Two Israelis and a Palestinian Playing
Blind Man's Bluff
Cats Waiting in the Green Room Before Making Their
Weekly Blog Appearances
What Happened When the Beirut Housing Bubble Burst

Monday, August 21, 2006

"I'm a fish, a Cichlasoma citrinellum to be more
exact. I've pretty much accepted the fact that
you humans would rather eat me than understand
what it's like to eke out a living underwater and to
breathe through gills. But what I can't accept
is your seeming indifference to the demise of
Inspector Gill and the Fish Police. That was an
ichthyological catastrophe of the first order.
And what did you do about it? Nothing, except
change channels!"