Friday, October 06, 2006

Bid farewell to Susan Ralston, the gal on the left.
She's been very tight with both Jack Abramoff and
Karl Rove. According to the New York Times, Susan
has just booked a one-way flight on Adios Airlines.
In the aftermath of Masturgate and with the mid-term
elections just a month away, it's important for Republicans
to maintain party discipline, whatever it takes.
Based on recent fossil finds, we now have reason to believe
it wasn't a 'dog-eat-dog' world in the seas off the coast of
prehistoric Spitzbergen. It was more of a 'monster-
fish-like-reptile-eats-a-plesiosaur' world.
If he ever loses the cow vote in Illinois,
Denny Hastert will be history.
'Spit-and-polish' isn't just an abstract concept
in the Zambian army.
Although this pot smoker will eventually die from something,
new research shows it won't be from Alzheimer's disease.
William Lipscomb, winner of the 1976 Nobel
Prize in Chemistry, demonstrates the correct
technique for breaking pasta.
Sources at Comedy Central have confirmed that Dennis
Hastert's theory suggesting the Foley scandal had been
orchestrated by ABC News, Democratic political operatives
aligned with the Clinton White House, and liberal activist
George Soros, originated with Jon Stewart of The Daily Show.
Presidential Candidate Announces Major Media
Buy for 2008 Campaign
Said Paul Ryan, Republican Representative from Wisconsin: "You are
seeing a rally-around-the-Speaker effort more than anything else."
Silly Cone Breasts
The cow didn't approve of the way President Chirac
was feeling her up.
Hannibal Crosses the Charles,
Invades Pottersville
They pried the grenade from his cold, dead hand.
Chicken Chic

Thursday, October 05, 2006

What Karl Rove Looked Like Before He Lost His Hair
and Started Wearing Glasses
The new Albert Einstein robot is quite charming,
but it can't explain the Special Theory of Relativity
any better than its namesake could.
First there was the black widow spider. Now
arachnidologists tell us there is a brown widow
spider. Do you think they will ever discover a
white widow spider?
Someone once said that mankind is a disease.
If that's true, here is one of the symptoms:
Kim Jong Il.
"Ultimately, the buck stops here, especially during
rutting season."
Mark Foley Before Rehab

Mark Foley After Rehab

Pi Chart
The Three Warning Signs of Impending Disaster
John Shimkus, Republican Congressman from Illinois
and head of the House page board, asks a rhetorical
question: “What else do you want me to do? Take
off my shirt and give myself 40 lashes?"
You may have wondered who the guy was
who outed one of the victims of Mark Foley.
His name is William 'Wild Bill' Kerr, he blogs
at Passionate America, and this is what he
looks like. Send him some mail.
"Of course I'm not too young to vote! Elephants
are never too young to vote."

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Tom Reynolds, Republican Congressman
from New York, couldn't believe his chief of
staff, Kirk Fordham, had resigned. "He wasn't
nearly as corrupt as me," Tom thought. "Is
there no justice in this world?"
George Smoot, co-winner of the 2006 Nobel Prize
in Physics, uses pantomime to explain the
masturbatory aspect of the Big Bang Theory
of the Universe.
Republicans now claim their fortunes were reversed
after Democrats started monkeying around with the
Yin and the Yang.
There's one thing no one denies: Dennis Hastert
really does fill the Halls of Congress.
Were it possible to capture, in a human face, the essence
of a normal person's attitude toward politicians, this
might be it.
The resignation of Kirk Fordham, Tom Reynold's chief of
staff, was mucho delicioso. Just ask this cocker spaniel.
"Now that you mention it, Congressman Boehner's skin is
the same color as Butternut Looseleaf chewing tobacco."
"Hey, Mark, gimme some skin! I hear you are gay,
a sexual predator, an alcoholic, mentally ill, and
a savvy Internet user. You really should consider
becoming the poster boy for 'Big Tent Republicanism'."
Psychiatrists have had to invent a new term
to describe unconsummated pedophilia. They
call it 'pedofoleya'.
In some parts of the world, ugly people
are required to wear masks.
The campaign against anorexic models
may be going a bit too far.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Let us now quell the foolish talk about throwing
Dennis Hastert under the bus. Hell, his head
alone is too big to fit under there.
As the Impregnable City of Bush slept, the Volcano
of Forgotten Yesterdays began to erupt.
Things change. It used to be that
the opposite of true was false. Now
the opposite of true is Rove.
GOP Chefs Preparing Sacrificial Lamb as Atonement
for the Transgressions of Mark Foley
After the Great Foley Washout, the road to
victory for the Republican Party in November
has become much more problematic.
Red State Lemmings Moments Before They
Plunged Over the Republican Party Cliff
As these Bolivian farmers will attest, big wheels
will always run over you if they get half a chance.
"OK, OK, we'll call it a draw!"
President Bush was taken aback when the
White House press corp handed him a
shovel and said, "We're tired of shoveling
your bullshit, Mr. President. You can do it
yourself from now on."
As John Boehner has learned, you should never let
Dennis Hastert sneak up on you from behind.

What is it about Dennis Hastert's face that seems
to epitomize today's Republican Party?
What happened yesterday in Nickel Mines,
Pennsylvania, makes it easier to understand
why people believe the Devil exists.