Existential Crisis Averted

Texas Republican Rodent Chip Roy Says "Nuts!" 

to Elise Stefanik

We all know what chipmunks store in their cheeks.

What we don't know is what Tony Scalia stores in his.

Republican John Ensign Won't Seek Reelection‎, Says, "At This

Point in My Life, I Have to Put Alvin and the Chipmunks First"

He had something important to say, but his mother

had taught him to never talk with his mouth full.

"Just a little bit higher.
Over to the left a smidgen.
Yeah, right there!
Makes me wanna sing!
'Oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang,
Oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bang bang!'"

John McCain stores doubledealings in his cheeks

the way a chipmunk stores nuts.