Ex-Congressman Bob Ney says if he can lose just

a pound a month during his 30-month prison stay,

he'll leave jail much fitter than when he went in.

In January, 2006, Tom Reynolds, National Republican

Congressional Committee Chairman, (1) promised that

the GOP would retain its House majority after November,

(2) issued a full-throated endorsement of Bob Ney, and

(3) expressed effusively his confidence in Tom Delay's

re-election chances. He said nothing, however, about

his own re-election prospects--or Mark Foley's--because

that would have been a no-brainer.

Bob Ney in Ten Languages:

Bob No, Bob Ne, Bob Nyet, Bob Non, Bob Nangwa,

Bob Na, Bob Nu, Bob Naw, Bob Nuddu, Bob Nono

Behind his back, Congressman Bob Ney's
associates were whispering that he was
looking more and more like a goldfish.

His sushiholism was obviously taking its

toll. How long would it be, they wondered,

before he would have to be kept in the

local aquarium?

In a press release on Monday, Congressman

Bob Ney admitted that he is a sushiholic.

He will be admitted next week to the

Misterjaw Center for Fishy Addictions.