The Legendary Black Beast of BergdahlghazAaaaarrrrrrggghhh!

"Across this country, this is the agenda I have set before my

fellow prisoners and the same standards of clarity and candor

must now be applied to my opponent. Yes, my friends, we're all

POWs now!"

What's even more amazing about John McCain's creation

of the Blackberry is that he did it without ever using his

'tortured fingers'.

If, as Fred Thompson says, being tortured builds the character

necessary for leadership, perhaps we should view Gitmo more

positively, as, say, an incubator for future world leaders.

"I didn't have a house, Jay. I spent 5 1/2 years in a prison cell

that was no bigger than a shoebox. I didn't have a kitchen table.

I didn't have any table at all. I didn't have a chair. I didn't

have a bed. I didn't have a pot to piss in."

"Absolutely, Senator McCain, and you try and tell that to the

young voters of today ---well, they'll say you're just one of the

nostalgic duffers in Monty Python's Yorkshireman Sketch."

Cindy could still remember the day she fell for

Johnny McCain. He was telling stories about his

POW days and singing "Take a Chance on Me."

Thirty years later, he still was.

Senator McCain Finally Succeeds in Distilling

His Campaign Message into a Single Word

McCain Unsure How Many Houses He Owns; Memory Lapse

May Have Been Caused by His Years as POW

In one version of John McCain's tale, the Good Samaritan

scratched a cross in the dirt with a stick. In another version,

he did it with his sandaled foot. Is there a discrepancy here?

Not at all. As you can tell from the photograph taken at the

time, the vertical part of the cross was drawn with a sandal,

the horizontal part with a stick.

"Have you seen Senator McCain? He was supposed

to join us here in the Cone of Silence."

"No, I haven't seen him. Maybe he's been imprisoned

by the Viet Cong again."

At age 78 and having been a POW in Vietnam for seven

years, Republican Representative Sam Johnson of Texas

sounds like the ideal running mate for John McCain.