"Mr. President, are you ready for another 'My Pet Goat' moment?"

"Whoa, Ma, you're draggin' high center!"

At the time of his apprehension, the Japanese construction

worker had 4,400 pieces of burgled women's underwear in

his possession. Asked what his motive was, the thief said,

"It's unmentionable."

Time's Rick Stengel is so full of himself that if he were any

fuller, he would turn inside out and become an empty suit.

Before he was indicted for war crimes, Radovan

Karadzic had been the odds-on favorite to become

the next president of Hair Club for Men.

"Contrary to what my opponents are claiming,

I have never said my ancestors were at the

Boston Tea Party. I said they were at the

Mormon Tea Party."

The crowd became ill-tempered and unruly when it

learned this wasn't the last train to Clarksville.

Fox News Hires New 'Unfair and Unbalanced'

Political Analyst

Finalists in the World Aquatic Smooching Championship

When Robert Mugabe was a boy, he was the schoolyard bully

who beat kids up unless they gave him their lunch money. At

age 83, he is still doing the same thing.

Winning is such sweet sorrow.

As the aerial depth charge approached, Arnaldo and Miklos

had doom written all over their faces.

What do you do when you need a lift and don't

have cab fare? Ask Chancellor Merkel.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

this is your captain speaking. I don't

want to alarm you, but I would swear

I just saw a cow jump over the moon."

The tawdry props on stage in the Jenin Political Theatre

made the Palestinian drama critic want to throw up.

"Whose idea was it to observe 'Young Combatants

Day' anyway?"

Gulliver's Luggage

"Please turn your head and cough."

What Happens WhenYou Put On Your Makeup

and Get Dressed in the Dark

MC Rove Performing "Big Booty Hoes Been

Rappin' My Rap Sheet"