Britney Spears' project to become a

tough old broad is on schedule and

under budget.

Shades of Milli Vanilli and Britney Spears! Joe

'You Lie' Wilson Caught Lip-Synching Song

Sung by Genentech

Republican Whip Skips Obama Presser,
Scrutinizes Britney's Whip Instead

Electoral Math

+

=

Vice President

"Ya know, Britney's butt never was her strong suit."

CIA Faulted for Giving Bad Intelligence to Britney Spears'

Sister Regarding the Ins and Outs of Pregnancy

She knew things weren't going well when the audience

started chanting, "Put it on, Britney, put it on!"

"Well, Karl, at the moment the biggest name in search

of a brain is Britney Spears. Interested?"

Britney Shears

In a last-ditch attempt to revive her moribund career,

Britney Spears has agreed to be the poster girl for

China's celebration of 2007 as The Year of the Sweathog.

Everybody was getting in the mood for December 22,

and then Britney Spears showed up. So

everybody decided to wait until next year.

Many attempts have been made to explain the

ascent of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears

to fame and fortune. All have failed. There are

non-explanations, however. And the most cogent of

these is Calvin's doctrine of Divine Predestination

and its corollary, the Total Hereditary Depravity of

Slobs and Sweathogs.