Rodrigo Duterte Canonized

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte claims he was 

once gay but 'cured' himself of homosexuality by 

becoming a homicidal maniac.

"Now that you mention it, Rodrigo, women would be 

pretty useless without vaginas. Hahahaha!"

"So, you say you don't just grab women by the pussy,

but you shoot them in the vagina. Literally?"

Trump Cries "Uncle!" at ASEAN Summit

"Adding Clorox® Regular Bleach to your favorite detergent 

really takes those bloodstains out of your whites, 

doesn't it, Rodrigo?"

Two Headlines, Same Day

'Trump Hails Great Relationship With Duterte'

'Philippines government calls Trump a liar after 

president claims the two discussed human rights'

“President Duterte, I just wanted to congratulate you 

for the unbelievable job you're doing with the drug 

problem. Issuing licenses for hunting and killing 6,000 

drug users was a stroke of genius!"

Rodrigo Duterte Sez; "Thanks for

inviting me to the White House, Señor 

Trump, but I'm tied up right now."

The Philippines has elected Rodrigo 'The Punisher' Duterte. 

Will America follow suit?