Tim Russert

David Gregory

Chuck Todd

Tim Russert's assignment in Hell will be to moderate

an eternal debate between two blind deaf mutes.

"If it happens to me, waterboarding is torture.

If it happens to you, Tim, I'd like to watch."

After showing up at the Scooter Libby trial on crutches,

Tim Russert said, "This is the third most humbling day

in my life. The second was in 2005, when it was revealed

I recycle my commencement addresses. The first was in 1985,

when I was granted a private audience with the Holy Father

and he kept calling me 'Little Big Russ'."

Scooter Libby Now Says He First Heard of His Conviction

on Four Out of Five Counts from Tim Russert

After testifying in the Scooter Libby trial, Tim Russert

has decided that waterboarding is the only method that

might work to get anyone from the Bush Administration

to tell the truth on Meet the Press.

On holiday weekends, Tim Russert likes to shed his

coat and tie, bullshit with his buddies, and get horny.