Will someone please tell the President that he

needs to consider changing anti-perspirants?

Movie and TV star Kurtwood Smith strongly denies

he was hired to play the role of General Michael Hayden,

nominated to be Director of the CIA. Elmer Fudd, also

rumored to be playing the role of the General, is on location

for the next Bugs Bunny cartoon and was unavailable

for comment.

Keeping the Fires of Hell stoked is a full-time job.

Not everyone in Spain loves bullfighting. This little boy

holds a placard that reads: "I (the bull) do not want

to suffer. A Campo Pequeno without Bullfighting."

Prime Minister Romano Prodi couldn't keep from making a knowing

wink when he promised to bring Italy's rising public debt under control.

Imagine a world in which all the people who have ever lived used

their brains and energy to make the world a better place. That world

is hard to imagine. Now imagine a world filled with Jack Abramoffs.

That's easy, isn't it?

Pointing to his right eye, General Hayden said, "This is my

Evil Eye, the one I use to keep all Evildoers under close

surveillance." That's all Senator Santorum needed to hear

before announcing his support for the General as the next

Director of the CIA.

Things must be speeding up. Vox 'Skidmark for Jesus'

Day got only ten minutes of fame, not the usual fifteen.

When your headdress gets to be this big,

it's an open question whether you are

wearing it, or it is wearing you.

When you show up for dinner and the table is this big, you may

wonder whether you will be an eater or an eatee.

The dolphins really enjoyed watching humans

perform in the new theatre-in-the-round.

Let bikers smoke a little dope, and this is what always happens.

Today's New York Times says "several large companies plan

to bid on a multibillion-dollar contract to build a 'virtual

fence' along the nation's borders." This is a picture of

a 'virtual fence'. If it costs billions to build one like this,

can you imagine what a 'real fence' would cost?

Blooming Idiot, Inventor of the Blooming Onion

On the day the Burger King showed up on Wall Street, the

Dow dropped over 200 points. The plan to have Ronald

McDonald make an appearance has been scrapped.

Aquaman was no match for the Cyclotrode's Reducer Ray.

"Hey, Ma! What's for dinner?"

Hanks, Tautou, and Howard withstood the

onslaught of the Church. But can they

withstand the derision of the critics?

The Thrill of Victory, the Agony of Defeat

Garden of Earthly Delights