Nautilus Exploration Vessel Studying Goldman Sachs

Vampire Squid in the Gulf of Mexico

BP Sez:  "Don't worry about the eyeless shrimp in the

Gulf of Mexico.  You don't eat the eyes anyway."

The $13 billion, 1,700 mile pipeline proposed by TransCanada,
the Keystone XL, would begin in Alberta in western
Canada and pass through the US states of Montana,

South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas and Oklahoma before

ending up in Texas at the Gulf of Mexico. It will be used

to carry oil from Texas to Canada and socialized

medicine from Canada to Texas.

"Hmmm, at roughly $2 million each, $18 million

will buy me nine more yachts. Now that I think

about it, that minor misadventure in the Gulf of

Mexico hasn't turned out bad for me at all."

To celebrate our independence from Great Britain this

year, the entire Gulf of Mexico will be set ablaze.

Warm Scuzzies #85

Gulf of Mexico Foundation

Suppose that terrorists had been responsible for

the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Would the ecological

impact be any different?

'Junk Shot' Method to Cap Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Involves

Pumping Odds and Ends--like Rubik's Cubes, Hangman's

Rope, McCain/Palin 2008 Buttons, even the Balls of BP

Executives--into the Blowout Preventer

"Just between you and me, Senator, BP doesn't have

any earthly idea of how to stop the Gulf of Mexico

oil spill. We've opened Pandora's Jar of Evils, so to

speak, and if you know your Greek mythology, once

it's opened, it can't be closed."

You can bet that future support for offshore drilling will

vary inversely with the distance from the Gulf of Mexico.

28% of Republicans say the recent oil spill in

the Gulf of Mexico has made them more likely

to support drilling off the coast. This same

contingent also derives pleasure from watching

Death Wish I, Death Wish II, Death Wish III,

Death Wish IV, and Death Wish V back-to-back.

Container Being Used by Congressman Gene Taylor

to Store the 'Chocolate Milk' Floating in the

Gulf of Mexico