"Hey, Reince, do you think TSA pat-down techniques

constitute 'legal groping'?"

"I will now demonstrate TSA's new pat-down technique."

There he stood, buck naked in the Nashville airport, and

nobody, not even TSA, would touch his junk.

"Be sure to pat down Paul Broun," said the TSA agent,

"he definitely fits the profile of a Teabagging Terrorist."

"If I let you touch my junk, TSA buddy, will you let me 

lick your balls?"

You'll be happy to know that, come April 25, the 

TSA will allow you to carry your Wiffle Bat with 

you when you fly.

Good Scanners

Bad Scanners

Naked-Image Scanners to Be Removed from U. S. Airports;

Playmobil Version Remains Popular with Kids

If he was hoping to evade airport scanners by having an

Al-Qaida operative surgically implant explosives in his 

love handles, the would-be terrorist still had a ways to go.

Geraldo Sez:  "TSA Junked My Junk and

 I Wasn't Even Wearing a Hoodie!"

TSA Agent Sez:  "There's an anomaly in the crotch area."

TSA Agents Refuse to Perform Strip

 Searches on Octomom Until She

Is Declared Welfare-Free

But, alas, Dana Loesch was forced out at

third base and never scored.

Rand Paul is calling for an inquiry into

 whether airport scanners are rigged

to make him look like a cartoon monkey.

Said the TSA agent to Mark Meckler, "Is that a Glock 27

in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Worried that a 95-year-old leukemia patient in a wheelchair

wearing an adult diaper might turn out to be a jihadist who

wants to blow up your plane?  Well, never fear, the TSA is

 on the case, 'acting professionally and according to proper

procedure'.

She couldn't win for losing.  Rather than be groped by a

lecherous TSA agent, she opted for a full body scan.  She

was then arrested for peddling smut without a license.

TSA Detains Man with Suspicious 'Package'

at Logan International Airport

TSA Puts Out Feelers to Test-Market

New Security Procedures

"While you're down there, would you

mind checking my Laramide Orogeny?"