"I've received $881,450 from Big Oil since I announced support

for offshore drilling. So, whoever said flip-flopping does not

pay, fire his ass!"

Rick and John began to realize that their Hell was

getting stuck--together-- in the elevator forever.

Do you sometimes get the feeling the United States

is sleepwalking into the Abyss?

Golden Retriever Adopts Tiger Cubs at Kansas Zoo;

Basset Hound Adopts Small Child at Local Pound

With a lead of only seven or eight points in the polls,

Senator Barack Obama announced today that he has

lost his mojo, that his race to the White House is

obviously hopeless, and that he is getting the hell

out of Dodge.

Marty the Organ Grinder and Jamie the Monkey

Entertaining Prospective TNR Subscriber

Something told Ram Singh his pet bear was backsliding again.

In the time it takes him to eat an ice cream bar, Warren

Buffet, the world's richest man, makes more money than

most people earn in a year.

"Ooooh, what a night! What's for breakfast, Mom?"

Vlad the Inhaler Ascending the Stairway to the Stars

Exxon Mobil Reports Largest Quarterly Profit in U.S. History

---Works Out to Be $1,485.55 a Second---

The fiendish orb had returned. And this

time, it meant business.

Personal Jet Pack Flies at Speeds of Up to 186 MPH

(Even in a 20-MPH Zone)

Among the old lady's many virtues was patience.

Forty years later it paid off.

Old justice pretended to be blind.

New justice doesn't even pretend.

In a better world, this would be

considered child abuse.

Translated into Italian, 'Beijing 2008' means 'Lasciate

ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate'. Translated into English,

it means 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here'.

"I want to again urge all Americans to wear sunscreen and

stay out of the sun as much as possible. And, oh, I don't know

what happened to my flag pin. It must've fallen off after Cindy

and I decided to risk our lives by visiting the Pumpjack National

Monument on a bright, sunny day."

John McCain went negative. Since he was already negative

to start with, he began negating a negation and became

positive he's negative. (Or something to that effect.)

44-Pound Cat Needs to Find New Republican Home