As expected, when the stray dog found the bag of Lay's

Potato Chips, it couldn't eat just one.

Overnight, three Hamas militants had been trapped in

the web of the Eastern Quadrangular Spider.

For throwing a mobile phone at her maid over a missing
pair of jeans, Naomi Campbell will be serving a sentence
in the New York City Department of Sanitation. While serving,
Ms. Campbell will be wearing Corcoran 10" Field Boots with
Original Cap Toe, Webbing Reinforcement for Ankle Support,
High Performance Laces, and a Vibram® Sierra
Traction Outsole.

Tearfully, this week's Time laments, "Conservatives 
are gloomy. The Republican candidates are struggling. 
Can the party reclaim Reagan's legacy?"
  For crying out loud, today's conservatives and

the Republican Party ARE Reagan's legacy!

Last Saturday, the founder of A Gathering of Caesars joined forces

with other pro-war demonstrators on the National Mall.

Secretary Gates electrified the audience with his

'so far, so good' expression.

Alberto Gonzales tried to elude the pack of reporters

by disguising himself as an Iranian woman,

but his shit-eating grin gave him away.

"Hi Banjee! I had a couple of minutes before we

start playing these goddam bagpipes, so I thought

I'd give you a call."

Cricket players are so cheeky.

It's easy to be brave when you have a gun and the

other guy doesn't.

How many playgrounds in the U. S. do you know of where

kids get to play on real tanks? These little boys in Iraq are

so lucky.

The Creature from the Blue Lagoon

"God, what an unsightly zit! I can't believe your coach

let you come out on the field looking like this!"

After the pro-war demonstrator shouted, "Up your ass with

a fifty-yard pass, you scumsucking peace pig!" he unclenched

his fist and blew a kiss to Michelle Malkin.

"Wait up, Josh! How many times did you say

we had to ride around this God-forsaken city

before the wall falls down?"

"You say you're going to build a wall around your land

and call it 'Fortress America'? Well, you'd better get

busy, because there's a lot more of us headed your way."

Rush Limbaugh's Inner Lecher

Art Connoisseur Studying Tony Snow's Latest Work,

At This Juncture, People Have Hazy Memories

Honeybee Being Trained to Sniff Out the Latest

Terror Weapon, Exploding Q-Tips

After showing up at the Scooter Libby trial on crutches,

Tim Russert said, "This is the third most humbling day

in my life. The second was in 2005, when it was revealed

I recycle my commencement addresses. The first was in 1985,

when I was granted a private audience with the Holy Father

and he kept calling me 'Little Big Russ'."