The Unexpurgated Bible #95

"Ye stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears, 

ye do always resist the Commander-in-Chief."

"Judging by your neck brace, Secretary Gates, it would 

appear that President Obama is still micromanaging you."

"And then, Secretary Gates, that's when you drop a

 bunker buster on the Oval Office."

Petraeus: "Good morning, Mr. Secretary, welcome back, sir!"

Gates: (Inaudible)

Petraeus: "Flying a little bigger plane than normal?

You gonna launch some attacks on Libya

or something?"

Gates: "Yeah, exactly!"

Defense Secretary Gates Apologizes, Says Mistaken Killing

of Nine Afghan Boys "Has Really Set Them Back"

Madman Says U.S. Should Stay 'Involved' in Afghanistan

Until 2014 and Beyond

"Robert Gates, your successor as Secretary of Defense, has

stated that anyone in that office who would advise the

President to send our military into Asia or Africa or the

Middle East should have his head examined.   Now that

you're 78, one would assume that's already included as

part of your annual physical.  Is this a safe assumption,

Secretary Rumsfeld?"

Secretary Gates Saluting Members of the Rainbow Coalition

Gates Outlines Spending Cuts Which Will Reduce

Pentagon to Square

"Jimmy,

I understand you built this with

your very own Erector Set.

Awesome!

Your pal,

Bobby"

"Why are you smiling, Secretary Gates?

It's only my thumb!"

"Secretary Gates, thank you sooo much for
sacking me and letting me out of this
goddam hellhole!"

Don't tell Secretary Gates that 'reforming' the Pentagon's
budget is like leaving the dirty diaper on the baby and only
changing the safety pins. That will just piss him off and
make him sound even more like someone whose voice has
undergone a radical bassectomy.

"Some will say I am too focused on the wars we are in
today and not enough on the wars we will be in tomorrow.
Believe me, it's my job to be focused on wars now and
forevermore."

The President, the Secretary of Defense, and the
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs were all on the same
page at the same time. And that was the problem.

"If I might go out on a limb a bit, David, I think that probably

President Obama is somewhat more analytical than George

Bush. This may sound like a rather rash statement, but it's

based on my experience working for both men, my stint at

the CIA, and the time I spent as President of Texas A & M."

"So, Secretary Gates, did I hear you say that you injured your

arm while trying to find your ass with both hands and a map,

not before or after?"

Robert Gates definitely has the face of a Secretary of

Defense. It is unlikely anybody will ever confuse him

with the Prince of Peace.

Secretary Gates Shellshocked by 'Bombs Bursting in Air' Necktie

SecDef PO'ed at Pinkos