Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert says he won't run in his

party's primary election in September. He denies that the

corruption investigators breathing down his neck had

anything to do with his decision.

"I don't have anything against Rock 'n Roll, but

I always put Country first."

Antikythera Mechanism Used to Predict Solar Eclipses,

Winners of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games

Why just loaf when you can loaf in style with a pair of

Ferragamo Loafers. Only $520. These are the same

shoes John McCain wears on the campaign trail.

Unlike John Edwards, McCain doesn't have enough

hair to justify spending $400 on a haircut. But

he does have two feet, and he believes in treating

them like Italian royalty.

House Committee Votes To Hold Karl Rove In Contempt;

Dog the Bounty Hunter Reportedly Warming Up the

Black Suburban

Fiddler with Vibrasonic, Quadrupedal Woofer

Golfers in Iraq try to avoid the greens and stay in the sandtraps.

It's easier that way.

Saudi Arabia's religious police have announced a ban on

 invisible pet leashes, because of men using them as a means

 of making passes at women.

World's Worst Jobs #86

Azerbaijani Salt Flower Harvester

Limbaugh Considering Purchase of St. Louis Rams

"We call it 'Automated Music Personality'. Think

of it as Amy Winehouse without all the drugs."

Adam Nagourney is now asking why Cuil did not

improve on Google's answer to his question,

"Why Are My Looks Not Improving?"

The rotten apple does not fall far from the tree.

Andrew K. McCain has abruptly resigned as Chairman

of the Board of Directors of Silver State Bancorp. Silver

State closed at $1.10 on NASDAQ Monday, down from

a 52-week high of $24.10. His father is John S. McCain,

one of the Keating 5 and the presumptive Republican

nominee for President of the United States.

The Day Captain America Began to Wank

Ted Stevens, the senior Republican in the U.S. Senate, has been

indicted on seven counts of making false statements, such as

"The Internet is a series of tubes."

Jim Adkisson had a Liberal Hunting Permit,

but it wasn't valid at churches.

Batman Vs. Assault-and-Batteryman

Q: What do you say when bad things happen to bad people?

A: "Why isn't Karl Rove's mangy ass in jail?"

When the police searched Jim Adkisson's home, they found an

array of right-wing political books, brass knuckles, empty

shotgun shell boxes, and a handgun. Among the books

discovered were Liberalism Is a Mental Health Disorder by

Michael Savage, Let Freedom Ring by Sean Hannity, and

The O'Reilly Factor by Bill O'Reilly. Police wouldn't speculate

why they didn't find How to Talk to a Liberal by Ann Coulter

or The Way Things Ought to Be by Rush Limbaugh.

Flag Desecration #10