"Mike Huckabee says you may possibly

have 'the most brilliant political mind

in America'.  Inasmuch as Mr. Hucka-

bee is a potential candidate for the

GOP presidential nomination, would

 you entrust the nuclear codes to

someone who would say something

like that?"

"After your early success as Bugs Bunny's co-star in

 Tortoise Wins By a Hare, you say you got into politics

because you wanted to look like Mitch McConnell.

So, what's next on your agenda?"

"When I said illegal immigrants should be shot from helicopters

like feral hogs, I was just speaking like a southeast Kansas

person.  If you could see the suit and tie I'm wearing right now,

 you would realize I dress that way, too."

Lindsey Graham Courageously Vows

to Defy GOP Earmark Ban

How to Draw Emily and Anne,

the Brontosaurus Sisters

Facing a recall election today, Miami Mayor Carlos Alvarez

is probably thinking that he wasn't thinking when he used

his government car allowance to help pay for a new luxury

BMW 550i Gran Turismo.  And, yes, Alvarez is a Republican.

"As someone who always looks on the bright side of life, 

I could make the case that the earthquake, tsunami,

and radioactive fallout will awaken Japan's struggling

economy and give a boost to Prime Minister Naoto

Kan in the polls.  But, since it's such a nice day, I

think I'll just sing."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it does bother me when someone

refers to Dana Perino as 'Cavefish Barbie'."

Four Leading Indicators of 'American Decline'

"I thought my ex-press secretary's tsunami joke was in poor

taste, but the one about Janet Reno's gender really cracked

me up!"

What Gilbert Gottfried learned the hard way is that

some people know how to tell tsunami jokes and

some people don't.

Why did Gilbert Gottfried get fired for

telling tsunami jokes, while Glenn Beck

didn't for saying the Japanese earth-

quake was a message from God?

Was it because what Glenn said

was funnier?

Virgil Peck Sez:  "It might be a good idea to

 control illegal immigration the way the feral

hog population has been controlled -- with

hunters shooting from helicopters." 

And, yes, Virgil is a Republican.

World's Worst Yoobs #91

Anne-Marie Slaughter

"The good news is that William Saletan says we shouldn't give

up on nuclear power, because it's still safer than oil and coal.

The bad news is that William Saletan is a fucking nitwit."

"People say I have my father's eyes," says Georgia Ann Jagger.

Hoosier Clown Added to Fox News

Looney Ballooney Lineup

Says a senior nuclear industry executive about Tokyo

Electric Power Company: “They're basically in a

full-scale panic. They’re in total disarray. They don’t

know what to do.”  Perhaps they should ask the Invisible

Hand for a little help. 

"Let me be perfectly clear, young people

of Pennsylvania.  We Republicans don't want

to educate you; we want to incarcerate you."

Magical Depressionism #21

The price of feeling 'rich' has just gone up.  According

to a Fidelity Investments survey, many millionaires

say they "would need to have at least $7.5 million in

order to feel they were truly rich."